A Rock and a Soft Place

Yesterday I wrote as to the pre-teen display of curt communication and lack of any desire to participate in some family chores. Well, last night I got the yin to that yang.

At bedtime, my first born and I have a ritual of reading a daily devotion (first of all, I can't believe I do that. I have never considered myself "that guy" who actually is consistent in that sort of thing, but I may be turning out to be like "him"), which is a very special time and can lead to some wonderful conversation. Last night it did. This same guy who hadn't the slightest interest or attitude to wash a family car engaged in an incredible conversation about God, Heaven, what it'll be like, what we'll be like, and the like.

Now my first born is a guy who is incredibly factual. This concept of faith, and believing what you don't see or understand is almost incomprehensible—perhaps not even almost. It was an incredible joy to me to talk with this guy about things that truly fascinated him. And he even quizzically debated these out-of-this-world things with an incredible smile on his face. Like he wanted to believe it but really couldn't. No incredible conclusions with the conversation. It was just a wonderful time of wonderment about God, who He is, what He is like, what His world is like.

I've had the discussion with friends before that being a parent may give you a peak at what it is like to be God as Father over His children (us and others). Yesterday, I wrote of how our behavior is often incredibly selfish towards an incredibly gracious God. Well, last night, I believe I got a glimpse at the joys of God and His love of His children (us and others), and the joy He has in intimate communication with us and others.

I pray that I can keep that perspective of fascination, communication and wonderment. It is very cool.

I Don't Want To

"But what if I don't want to?".

I was speaking to my two sons about how I'd like them to wash the cars and that was the response from one of them. What if I don't want to. This turned into a frankly I don't care if you want to or not, I am your father and am asking you to do this. Wow, this gets under my skin. How about a sure thing, dad. Glad to help!

As a father, this is not the desired response you'd want from one of your kids. It makes me think things like: how disrespectful; how lazy; how unhelpful. I consider myself a pretty good dad to my sons. I am not militaristic (though this little back-and-forth has me considering some sort of boot camp-type atmosphere for a while). I am not overbearing (at least not in my eyes). I have tried to instill work ethic, values and a respect for mine and my wife's positions in their lives. I wonder, is this pre-teen? Is this what I have to look forward to? Perhaps some yes, and some no. I need to continue to mold and coach these two boys...and pray.

But what about us and our Heavenly Father. How much, when asked of the Lord, do we give but what if "I" don't want to? The Bible is pretty clear as to what are some of God's desires and demands. Our Heavenly Father could easily take a militaristic approach with us (and sometimes He must REALLY want to—and sometimes He allows us to journey through our own spiritual boot camp), but more often, I believe He extends incredible amounts of grace to us. As if it wasn't enough for His Son to bear our sins and die for us, He still is so incredibly patient with us. And still gives us the option of choice. Even when it is disrespectful or wrong/bad for us.

As a dad, I need to ensure that I don't expect from my children what I don't expect from myself when it comes to the wishes and will of our respective "fathers".

Filling the White Space

In marketing we use the term white space. This is to describe the untapped area surrounding a brand, promotion, or program. We have goals to take advantage of this white space and utilize it to reach a consumer with a message. Varied vehicles are used to "fill" this space with messaging and communication tactics to create a unique touchpoint and initiate a consumer response to engage with the brand/etc. we are promoting. The key here is to utilize this space in a clear effective way and not simply to fill it.

In design we use the term white space to mean the areas which have remained free from any sort of art or communication. This actually serves as area for your eye to rest and take in what is not white space. As a designer, this is a valued area as we are often instructed by clients to fill this space with more messaging. It takes a unique client to allow for white space as designers are often asked to add more words, the dreaded "communication burst", or even to make the logo bigger (visit: http://www.underconsideration.com/MaketheLogoBigger.mp3 for some designer humor).

In both of these cases, when there is white space, we are programmed to fill it. I believe this is true with our daily lives. We seem to have lost the ability to allow for white space. We reach for our Smart Phones first thing in the morning. Or when there is a lull in the work day, we are checking in on Facebook, Twitter or some online news source. At home, the television is flipped on. We even consider commercials our own personal white space and switch to another channel to fill it—which is ironic, cause there have been a lot of folks creating and paying for these commercials to fill this space. I don't even think I can take a walk without ear buds.

So today, we struggle as to what to do with our own personal white space. And how do we fill it. Clearly there are some great uses of technology and social media outlets to gather information, connect, educate ourselves, but its almost as if our personal whites space has turned into another design term for white space—negative space. We are conditioned to fill it. But with what?

We are busy. We work. We play. We teach. We communicate. We relax. But do we seek opportunities to create white space, or do we just try to fill it. And if white space is created, what do we do with it.

Psalm 46:10 reads:

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

If this is true, I suggest that we learn how to create and use this white space to "Be still". Because if God WILL be exalted among the nations and WILL be exalted in the earth. Perhaps it is in our best interest to spend some time being still and knowing that He is God.

This is a hard one for me. I am busy, and like to be entertained. This requires discipline. I gotta work on this one. I am a white space filler.

Unrage Your Road

I was coming to a bit of a rolling stop at the end of my street this morning when I noticed a car coming down from my right. I braked and stopped. Then, he honked at me. What nerve. DUDE, I COULD TOTALLY SEE YOU, AND I WAS STOPPING. I recall when the comedian, George Carlin, would ask "Why is it that anyone who is driving slower than you is and idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?". I mean, I consider myself a pretty mellow guy, but why is it that if someone signals and doesn't turn, or turns without signaling it really irks me? Why do I/we behave this way?

Another comedian, Dana Carvey, used to play the overly prim and condescendingly needling Church Lady. The Church Lady's response to my question would be with the rhetorical question "well....could it be SATAN?". I believe so. While this sounds pretty darn harsh for my reaction to a mere horn toot, I believe it holds merit. We have come to except the permeation of original sin into our lives and culture that we either don't notice it, or excuse it. The reality is that the more we recognize this, perhaps the better chance to change our behavior.

The Apostle Paul identifies this struggle in Romans 7:18-20

"For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

I have always loved this verse. I have always found it confusing too. I believe it truly outlines our daily, moment-by-moment, struggle with sins. Particularly these "minor" sins which "in the grand scheme of things don't really matter". But they do.

These "minor" things that can fester, and when unidentified—or more importantly, properly sourced—can grow like a cancer in our lives. That is why we (a big me is here) must stay engaged with the Holy Spirit through prayer and supplication.

There is a great book by Jerry Bridges entitled Respectable Sins: Confronting the Sins We Tolerate. Bridges really digs deep into the realm of what we allow to be brushed under the rug. Christians are probably the worst at this. It is very easy for us to identify the "major" sins and ignore the majorness of our moment-by-moment commenting, judging, eye rolling, road raging, self-absorbed, Pharisaical selves. And the impact this can have on others.

Jesus made this clear in Matthew 3:

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

This is why we are called to examine ourselves daily. And MUST be in constant communication with our Heavenly Father. In order to continue to grow in grace. And never stop maturing in faith. We cannot think we've arrived in Christiandom. If we think we do—look out. We are never there. At least not here.

About Face

I was thinking about the expression saving face. Don't know why. Perhaps it was staring at my 40-plus face in the mirror. While what we see in the mirror is the physical, in this expression, our faces reflect of our identities. We will want to save our face—or safeguard our identities. Or someone may be two-faced—not being true to their identity, but rather posing one identity in one situation, and an alternate identity in another.

Facebook defines itself as "a social utility that connects people with friends and others who work, study and live around them". This virtual world easily allows for multiple faces and there are no mirrors for true reflection. We can update our status or show our photo albums and be as transparent as we feel like. We can also be as untrue as we wish. I am not knocking Facebook. It just made me think of our digital society, and our social networks, and how they allow us to truly mask ourselves even further. Or allow us to express ourselves from behind the mask of the monitor.

Surely we all want to look our best and take care of ourselves and our appearance, but when it gets down to it:

• Will we be seen without our makeup?
• Are we comfortable in our own skin?
• Do we only want to be "photographed" on our good side?

The WAYGDAI Question

The schoolyard taunt. "What are YOU gonna do about it?" (WAYGDAI, pronounced wag-die). Typically strewn from a bully of sorts, or just someone of a larger scale than the comment's recipient. Perhaps there was a spilled lunch tray, chastisement in front of peers, or just a shove from an opponent on the playing field. Most likely, said recipient will either lash out and get some comeuppance, walk away and be jeered some more, or wait 'til next time, learn from it, and perhaps become a better soccer player.

Daily we are internally and externally questioned as to What we are going to do about ________?.

I heard a commercial for the National Census which made the statement something like this. Fill out your Census which will let us know your needs in order for us to help you in your area. By no means a direct quote, but it is the gist of the statement. This brought to mind the WAYGDAI of the statement. And here its twofold. WAYGDAI for me. and WAYGDAI for Uncle Sam. My family has done our civic duty and filled out the Census. No I need to entrust Uncle Sam to do his duty appropriately with that information.

This can be touchy. When it comes to Uncle Sam, we can get ourselves quite riled up. Over many situations. And on occasion I do—though am trying to train myself to cool the riling and kick up the discussion, listening, and respecting. Within these Uncle Sam-like arenas, surely there should be discussion, information gather, and voting. But when the WAYGDAI raises voices into too much argument, and wags fingers we begin to lose a great opportunity for influence, understanding and change.

I believe we have WAYGDAIs in both micro and macro ways.

A micro WAYGDAI can happen moment-by-moment to us. We may not identify them as WAYGDAIs, but they are, and need to be handled appropriately. Some micro WAYGDAIs are:

1. When a spouse said what seemed a dig
   
2. What a colleague asks you to do what might have been their job to do
3. When a blouse may be one button from the neck too low
4. When a child sasses back
5. When another project or chore is added on
6. When you want to spread the gossip
   

A macro WAYGDAI are larger scale situations where someone is being required to respond to a larger scale predicament or take action in a movement or opportunity. Some macro WAYGDAIs are:

1. What do we do about the cancer
2. Should I say something to their parents
3. Will this require heavy discipline and will I allow it and deliver it
4. What if I believe I am too young to have a baby
5. Where am I going to get another job
6. Should we make the move
7. What if they run away
8. Should we divorce
   

Consider these three macro WAYGDAIs.

• There was a woman who heard of a friend's kids battle with childhood cancer, and she WAYGDAIed herself and now has, through the Rally Foundation, gone on to raise well over 1 million dollars for childhood cancer research

• There was a man who's child had been present when there was a crime committed and was to serve some jail time. He WAYGDAIed himself and let the justice system run its course, recognizing that there were lessons to learn, and that this will have an impact on his child. He prayed and prayed through his child's was incarceration, and embraced his child with open arms upon their return.

• There was a person named Jesus who was asked by His Father to leave all of his kingly and heavenly glory, enter into our world, become one of our bodies, spend some time on our fallen planet, make both friends and enemies, be harassed, tempted, lied to, and be crucified on a cross for our sins. Jesus WAYGDAIed with this for all of his thirty-some odd years. The WAYGDAI came to full fruition on Good Friday when He was asked by His Father to complete the task he'd been sent to accomplish. He anguished with His Father about this—through bloody sweat, but concluded He'd do what His Father asked. To be beaten, bloodied, spat upon, nailed, pierced, and take on all the past, present and future sins of the world, and die.
  

What are we gonna do about it? In the micro moments and macro opportunities.

Fashion Statement

I had the honor of going to a fashion show fundraiser for Rally Foundation for Childhood Cancer Research the other night. This was quite an event. There were professional football players in attendance with one, Curtis Lofton of the Atlanta Falcons, playing host to the event.

I'd never been to a fashion show, but have paid attention to them through the likes of America's Top Model, and various other TV fluff. The event was held at Saks Fifth Avenue at Phipps Plaza in the Buckhead area of Atlanta. For those unaware, this is high-end shopping and clothing. As a guy typically fills his wardrobe from Kohl's or Target, I did my best to fit in.

The event was nice. Great food. Great company. The rows of white chairs on both sides of the runway. It was cool. They sat us along the runway. The music started and the models started there strutting. Very pretty, fit, young ladies. Just like I'd imagined. Then the music stopped and the real event began. Curtis Lofton was escorting a young cancer survivor down the runway. Here was this hulking guy with a bird-weighted young girl at his side. Doing their own strut down the runway. Two by two they were introduced. The Falcon and the pediatric cancer battler or survivor. About 15 of them. It was beautiful. The contrast was amazing. The giant, physically dominating man and the slight child. There was not a dry eye in the place. I had the opportunity to thank Jamaal Anderson of the Falcons for his participation in the event to which he replied "This is the fun part of our jobs...".

Over my left shoulder was a husband, wife and a sister of one of these brave young ladies. You could see the strength, pride and fatigue in the parents from their walk through this trial of cancer with their little girl. The sister was weeping. You could see they love their little daughter and sister immensely. I am amazed at the wisdom, maturity, strength, and faith that you see in these families. They have battled, are battling, and will continue to battle this dreadful disease—the number one disease killer of children. Not only is the disease horrible, but the side effects from treatment can be equally as formidable.

I encourage any of you who read these words to visit RallyFoundation.org to read about some of these tremendous kids and find out how you can help raise funds and awareness for childhood cancer research.