I was reading a blog post from Matchstic, an Atlanta-based branding house, where there was comparison of Branding vs. Marketing. Very much a branding is this, and marketing is that composition. The dialogue brought to my mind the concept of a marriage. And that both a man and a woman are two different creatures. And that when both are truly united in communication, message and goals when there is a wonder, heart-shared marriage. This discussion is very relevant within the branding/marketing industry. But, I believe it can also provide considerations for our own personal lives and marriage.
So.... I was a single guy. Let's just say I was peanut butter. Let's even say Brand R Peanut Butter (BRPB). Here I am walking around as BRPB. Sometimes covering a slice of bread. Sometimes there is some jelly with me and that bread. Sometimes I am just good alone with the swipe of a finger inside my jar (gosh, that's a little bit of an awkward picture, but I am gonna keep it). I am okay by myself—I am freakin' BRPB. BRPB has a lot to offer other tastes and is okay as a stand alone. Now I am not the only peanut butter around. There are lots. Each looking for a slice of bread or some jelly, or saying, I like being peanut butter and don't need some other "ingredient" coming into my life to mess it up. Or whatever....
What if God has special plan for BRPB. What if He brings a wonderful piece of chocolate into my life. And by wonderful, I do me in the complementary sense (but tasty too). Well, Chocolate and I decide we work great together and want to stay together. We take the plunge and become a Rick's® Peanut Butter Cup. We have a registered trademarked marriage license. Have a wonderful new package in our rings. We taste great together and people who have experienced our taste can understand and appreciate it.
But what if within this great union I decide to become peanut butter again, or my wife decides to become chocolate. Or even just talk about peanut butter, or talk about chocolate. That wonderful matrimonial Rick's® Peanut Butter Cup can become diluted, and make others, especially our kids, confused as to what Rick's® Peanut Butter Cup really is.
Okay, so, this can illustrate how when a brand is disconnected with a marketing message there is confusion. This is why the branding must be intimate with marketing and understand and embrace the objectives and gifts each other brings—to fully convey the correct message. Otherwise the whole thing can be unclear—or even doubted.
And this shows how critical communication and vision is in a marriage. Particularly with our kids. If they are receiving an unclear, or inconsistent message that doesn't tie back into what that marriage really is it can leave them confused. They no longer will see Rick's® Peanut Butter Cup. They may just see some unrecognizable peanut butter guy walking around their home.
Perhaps I have over-killed this analysis, and rambled on quite a bit, but I believe there is some truth within a lot of these words.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Thumbing It
Before you point the finger, pull the thumb. I was in a discussion with one of the boys last night about this. As corny as this adage may be, I really like it, consider it true, and wonder how often I/we practice this.
We are bombarded with blame these days. We have a culture of blame. It is inescapable.
There's the Political:
How often do I/we own up? I know that on many occasions I have passed some sort of judgment or evaluation quickly—then under further analysis, wonder if I've done my end of the bargain. Have I truly set someone up for success? Have I listened along the way? Have I provided feedback? Have I considered their viewpoint? Do I know the whole story? Is my opinion the result of my upbringing and culture?
I am not a big fan of the "I" word. But, when it comes to examining ourselves I'm all for it. According to the Gospel of Matthew (7:3), "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?". And there is Michael Jackson's take. "I'm starting with the man in the mirror".
We are bombarded with blame these days. We have a culture of blame. It is inescapable.
There's the Political:
- It's cause there's a Democratic Congress.
- There is a vast right-wing conspiracy.
- Its a result of my upbringing. (I believe there are consequences and results of poor parenting choices, cultural implications, and more, but sometimes this can become a crutch)
- I'm just doing my job.
- They have no idea what I put up with.
- Everybody else does.
How often do I/we own up? I know that on many occasions I have passed some sort of judgment or evaluation quickly—then under further analysis, wonder if I've done my end of the bargain. Have I truly set someone up for success? Have I listened along the way? Have I provided feedback? Have I considered their viewpoint? Do I know the whole story? Is my opinion the result of my upbringing and culture?
I am not a big fan of the "I" word. But, when it comes to examining ourselves I'm all for it. According to the Gospel of Matthew (7:3), "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?". And there is Michael Jackson's take. "I'm starting with the man in the mirror".
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Excited Right Now
My first born (#1) is approaching the end of his elementary school days and will, next August, set foot onto a bus ride to school for the first time, as well as encounter the excitement, fear and drama of middle school. The other day, I was reminded of in Matthew 7:13 which states "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction..." I shared this with #1 who promptly elicited an "OKAY, dad—I GET it". Now this is by no means a wonderful embracing of this piece of scripture. It was more like a stop nagging me about this do the right thing stuff.
For sure this guy is entering into a new life season. #1 has always been a challenger, and this new season will bring more of these challenges. To be honest, to a degree I am looking forward to these challenges (be careful what you wish for, Rick). I have put forth great efforts to form good communication between #1 and me which will allow for him (hopefully) to hear and believe me a bit.
I also believe that as Paul wrote in Philippians 1:6, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.". This encourages me. I have more than my own parenting, communication, and relationship with #1 to rely upon. God will carry out a better plan and He will do a better job nurturing, coaching, fathering, and relating than I could ever possibly do. I just need to continue to let my sons know this (see 4/13 blog, Unleashed).
Today, I am excited about #1's growing into a new season in life. I also know that my wife and I will have many hairy roads ahead. Some of which will truly test our marriage and my own faith. Today I am excited. Tomorrow may be a different story.
For sure this guy is entering into a new life season. #1 has always been a challenger, and this new season will bring more of these challenges. To be honest, to a degree I am looking forward to these challenges (be careful what you wish for, Rick). I have put forth great efforts to form good communication between #1 and me which will allow for him (hopefully) to hear and believe me a bit.
I also believe that as Paul wrote in Philippians 1:6, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.". This encourages me. I have more than my own parenting, communication, and relationship with #1 to rely upon. God will carry out a better plan and He will do a better job nurturing, coaching, fathering, and relating than I could ever possibly do. I just need to continue to let my sons know this (see 4/13 blog, Unleashed).
Today, I am excited about #1's growing into a new season in life. I also know that my wife and I will have many hairy roads ahead. Some of which will truly test our marriage and my own faith. Today I am excited. Tomorrow may be a different story.
Friday, April 16, 2010
The Whole Truth
To tell the truth...
- Is telling a little white lie okay if it is to keep someone from pain?
- Does one little white lie make it easier do it again?
- Are we ever saying things in ways that while true, are caused (intentionally or not) to mislead?
- If Biblically speaking we are to let our yes be yes, and our no, be no, does a little white lie keep God out of the decision?
- Is there integrity in a little white lie?
- What about when asked "do I look fat in this?"?
- If I tell a little white lie, what does this do to my word?
- Can someone always trust me to tell the truth?
- Is not telling a little white lie deception?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Unleashing
I understand that as our kids grow, the leash on our kids becomes longer and longer. I have known several Dads who have shown this as reality. And I have done some releasing of my own leash throughout my brief time as Dad. How do we know the timing of leash lengthening? Certainly the individual child plays a role here, and there are rites of passage which can drive changes in the policing of our kids' well being and decision making (The driver's license—the 18th birthday—when they get their own place). And also, there are times/stages when new and different policing takes place of an old model.
I believe we are given the duty as parents to train our children for life on their own. Life as an adult. This is where the counsel of spouses, friends and mentors can play a key role. Not only to provide us with experiential wisdom and recommendations, but also to challenge us as to what we truly believe and perceive.
These times of unleashing are sort of "Proverbs moments" in our lives. According to the current go-to-to-define-anything, Wikipedia, it states, Throughout Proverbs, wisdom is compared and contrasted with foolishness....Wisdom is held up as something worth effort to attain. As a parent—hoping to share wisdom and train/teach/manage our kids, these "Proverbs moments" are cause to examine things such as:
I recently had a conversation with a couple of more veteran Dads. One of these guys is considering releasing the leash a little longer. It really had me examining the "what would I do" of it all. I left the conversation with a jocular gladness that I wasn't facing this other Dad's decision. But it also left me also with a glimpse into the types of decisions to come....sheesh.
I believe we are given the duty as parents to train our children for life on their own. Life as an adult. This is where the counsel of spouses, friends and mentors can play a key role. Not only to provide us with experiential wisdom and recommendations, but also to challenge us as to what we truly believe and perceive.
These times of unleashing are sort of "Proverbs moments" in our lives. According to the current go-to-to-define-anything, Wikipedia, it states, Throughout Proverbs, wisdom is compared and contrasted with foolishness....Wisdom is held up as something worth effort to attain. As a parent—hoping to share wisdom and train/teach/manage our kids, these "Proverbs moments" are cause to examine things such as:
- Ourselves
- Our own motives
- Our kid's motives
- Our faith in God towards His protection of our kids
- Our own role as parent and situational steward
- Our trust in our child rearing and teaching to a certain age
- Our consistency of our own prayer life
- And more
I recently had a conversation with a couple of more veteran Dads. One of these guys is considering releasing the leash a little longer. It really had me examining the "what would I do" of it all. I left the conversation with a jocular gladness that I wasn't facing this other Dad's decision. But it also left me also with a glimpse into the types of decisions to come....sheesh.
A Rock and a Soft Place
Yesterday I wrote as to the pre-teen display of curt communication and lack of any desire to participate in some family chores. Well, last night I got the yin to that yang.
At bedtime, my first born and I have a ritual of reading a daily devotion (first of all, I can't believe I do that. I have never considered myself "that guy" who actually is consistent in that sort of thing, but I may be turning out to be like "him"), which is a very special time and can lead to some wonderful conversation. Last night it did. This same guy who hadn't the slightest interest or attitude to wash a family car engaged in an incredible conversation about God, Heaven, what it'll be like, what we'll be like, and the like.
Now my first born is a guy who is incredibly factual. This concept of faith, and believing what you don't see or understand is almost incomprehensible—perhaps not even almost. It was an incredible joy to me to talk with this guy about things that truly fascinated him. And he even quizzically debated these out-of-this-world things with an incredible smile on his face. Like he wanted to believe it but really couldn't. No incredible conclusions with the conversation. It was just a wonderful time of wonderment about God, who He is, what He is like, what His world is like.
I've had the discussion with friends before that being a parent may give you a peak at what it is like to be God as Father over His children (us and others). Yesterday, I wrote of how our behavior is often incredibly selfish towards an incredibly gracious God. Well, last night, I believe I got a glimpse at the joys of God and His love of His children (us and others), and the joy He has in intimate communication with us and others.
I pray that I can keep that perspective of fascination, communication and wonderment. It is very cool.
At bedtime, my first born and I have a ritual of reading a daily devotion (first of all, I can't believe I do that. I have never considered myself "that guy" who actually is consistent in that sort of thing, but I may be turning out to be like "him"), which is a very special time and can lead to some wonderful conversation. Last night it did. This same guy who hadn't the slightest interest or attitude to wash a family car engaged in an incredible conversation about God, Heaven, what it'll be like, what we'll be like, and the like.
Now my first born is a guy who is incredibly factual. This concept of faith, and believing what you don't see or understand is almost incomprehensible—perhaps not even almost. It was an incredible joy to me to talk with this guy about things that truly fascinated him. And he even quizzically debated these out-of-this-world things with an incredible smile on his face. Like he wanted to believe it but really couldn't. No incredible conclusions with the conversation. It was just a wonderful time of wonderment about God, who He is, what He is like, what His world is like.
I've had the discussion with friends before that being a parent may give you a peak at what it is like to be God as Father over His children (us and others). Yesterday, I wrote of how our behavior is often incredibly selfish towards an incredibly gracious God. Well, last night, I believe I got a glimpse at the joys of God and His love of His children (us and others), and the joy He has in intimate communication with us and others.
I pray that I can keep that perspective of fascination, communication and wonderment. It is very cool.
Monday, April 12, 2010
I Don't Want To
"But what if I don't want to?".
I was speaking to my two sons about how I'd like them to wash the cars and that was the response from one of them. What if I don't want to. This turned into a frankly I don't care if you want to or not, I am your father and am asking you to do this. Wow, this gets under my skin. How about a sure thing, dad. Glad to help!
As a father, this is not the desired response you'd want from one of your kids. It makes me think things like: how disrespectful; how lazy; how unhelpful. I consider myself a pretty good dad to my sons. I am not militaristic (though this little back-and-forth has me considering some sort of boot camp-type atmosphere for a while). I am not overbearing (at least not in my eyes). I have tried to instill work ethic, values and a respect for mine and my wife's positions in their lives. I wonder, is this pre-teen? Is this what I have to look forward to? Perhaps some yes, and some no. I need to continue to mold and coach these two boys...and pray.
But what about us and our Heavenly Father. How much, when asked of the Lord, do we give but what if "I" don't want to? The Bible is pretty clear as to what are some of God's desires and demands. Our Heavenly Father could easily take a militaristic approach with us (and sometimes He must REALLY want to—and sometimes He allows us to journey through our own spiritual boot camp), but more often, I believe He extends incredible amounts of grace to us. As if it wasn't enough for His Son to bear our sins and die for us, He still is so incredibly patient with us. And still gives us the option of choice. Even when it is disrespectful or wrong/bad for us.
As a dad, I need to ensure that I don't expect from my children what I don't expect from myself when it comes to the wishes and will of our respective "fathers".
I was speaking to my two sons about how I'd like them to wash the cars and that was the response from one of them. What if I don't want to. This turned into a frankly I don't care if you want to or not, I am your father and am asking you to do this. Wow, this gets under my skin. How about a sure thing, dad. Glad to help!
As a father, this is not the desired response you'd want from one of your kids. It makes me think things like: how disrespectful; how lazy; how unhelpful. I consider myself a pretty good dad to my sons. I am not militaristic (though this little back-and-forth has me considering some sort of boot camp-type atmosphere for a while). I am not overbearing (at least not in my eyes). I have tried to instill work ethic, values and a respect for mine and my wife's positions in their lives. I wonder, is this pre-teen? Is this what I have to look forward to? Perhaps some yes, and some no. I need to continue to mold and coach these two boys...and pray.
But what about us and our Heavenly Father. How much, when asked of the Lord, do we give but what if "I" don't want to? The Bible is pretty clear as to what are some of God's desires and demands. Our Heavenly Father could easily take a militaristic approach with us (and sometimes He must REALLY want to—and sometimes He allows us to journey through our own spiritual boot camp), but more often, I believe He extends incredible amounts of grace to us. As if it wasn't enough for His Son to bear our sins and die for us, He still is so incredibly patient with us. And still gives us the option of choice. Even when it is disrespectful or wrong/bad for us.
As a dad, I need to ensure that I don't expect from my children what I don't expect from myself when it comes to the wishes and will of our respective "fathers".
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