Relationship Status

I am off of work today. Sort of. And it has afforded me some free time. Of which I am taking advantage. So I lengthened my Friday morning coffee time to a few hours. I meet with a group of guys every Friday morning at the local Panera Bread. There's usually about eight of us. And I really enjoy it. Some days more than others. Today was a good day. The conversation actually got pretty heavy and exploratory. Which I love. Panera turned into a few conversations with some other fellas at Starbuck's (needless to say, I am pretty jacked up on caffeine right now, so please excuse any rambling or typos).

So now I've moved to a little table that I could plug my power cord in. It has me positioned next to a couple of ladies who seem to be in their late 40s or early 50s. As I sat down their conversation hushed as one of them finished their sentence saying something about getting out of debt.

It is amazing how we all have stuff that we all go through. Some things we feel we have to hush as they may seem embarrassing, like debt, or underachievement, or failed marriages, or joblessness, or confusion.

What is nice is that these two ladies have each other. This doesn't seem to be some sort of commiseration, or simply a "buck up" kind of conversation. These two appear to have quite a relationship. They're not resolving everything here and now. They are caring for each other and conversing.

Our status of relationships is so important. The quality. Relationships built on trust, transparency, respect, right position, servitude, joy (or more).

I believe God has created us to be in relationships. And that we need to be in ones that exhibit these qualities and more. Be it romantic, friendship, professional, parental, spousal. These qualities have to be there for them to be effective, accountable, beneficial, and fulfilling.

Now each relationship may have different degrees as to what is appropriate. Like I may not be quite as transparent about certain things with my son as I might my wife. But I will act in accordance with my position as Dad. And to truly have that relationship work, my son would act in accordance with his position as Son. But I will serve him. And he will serve me. If the relationship is right.

So to is it with the balance of them. Right relations. "It is not good for man to be alone."

Monkey Me

Jesse Rice, author of The Church of Facebook, recently stated in his blog, "I can never live up to the expectations of my imaginary audience." In a nutshell he discussed how our status updates, photo posts, etc. are posted with the hopes of making some type of impression on our "friends" to have them see us in a certain light. I myself have discussed this in a past postings (see Social Medium or Unlike Cynicism), nor am I dogging Facebook and its users, but this "imaginary audience" idea struck me.

I guess we are always in some sort of performance. A performance that plays out every day in what we wear, how good a job we do, or how many people like us. Facebook just provides us another stage. A stage that's easier to put a mask on and act out.

But why act.

Everyday I let my ego or insecurities get the better of me. I can cling to a "Do they like what I did?", "Do they think I was stupid?", "Do they think that other person is better?".

That darn audience of colleagues, neighbors, strangers, family, or "friends". Its always there. Beckoning for my performance. And there I am like a monkey with a little cap and tin cup. Hopping around. "Like me!", "Like me!". And I wanna make sure it—my performance...well, me—is acceptable.

Perhaps this is some sort of Freudian result of my upbringing. Perhaps not.

But why do we need the approval of an audience anyway? Is it the rush from their applause and approval? I believe that deep down it is a perspective, a choice, a vacancy. That I can try to overcome myself through positive-thinking, addiction, business, success, etc. Or I must ask God to fill daily—even more often. And a lot of days I muddle through without embracing that understanding. And He will let me sit with my tin cup and jump and jump. He will put people and occurrences in my life as if to say "Hey Monkey, remember me? It ain't about you and your little cup and hat." Thank goodness...