Unassigned

A while ago I was having breakfast with a friend of mine. A good portion of our conversation circled around as he put it (to paraphrase) "so many people feel that we are given these cultural and social assignments that we must live into." And thats a shame.

Some of these "assignments" may be the Businessman who's reputation must be impeccable, to be seen as a beacon in society and keep him elevated above regular people. Or the Suburban Wife/Mom who's got to make sure her kids are seen as doing oh-so-well in school, and excelling at sports to one-up the Joneses. Or the the Urban Youth who feels he's got to wear the saggy pants, and carry a standoffish attitude to be accepted by his peers. Or the Coffeshop Hipster who's got to make sure he knows enough about craft cocktails and microfinancing in Africa to appear socially relevant.

So this has had me thinking about the role of the individual. Not really a role, but moreover our individual meaning here on earth. We let so many outside influencers tell us who and what we should be. When we are simply called to be ourself.

I believe God created us each uniquely. Put us on this planet as a unique human being. And that when we are so influenced by a perceived "assignment", we steer away from ourselves, and miss our mark. Moreover, our Maker's mark (not the bourbon). And that's a big miss.

In the The Brady Bunch Movie (or perhaps its sequel), Marsha gave her husband Wally a bit of encouragement. Wally was apologizing to the Brady family for lying about a job loss* in order to keep the family unaware. So Wally said he was sorry, to which Marsha replied, "Don't be sorry, just be Wally."

Yes, corny encouragement from Marsha, but dead on. Don't lie about YOU because you think others will think differently or poorly of you, or because you feel you've got to fulfill some "assignment".

I won't fulfill any "assignment". I will fulfill "me".




* I believe this was the reason for his apology. And if not, just go with it as it really works for what I'm trying to get across.

How Do You Do

We've all heard the quote about "it's not how many times you fall it's how many times you get back up that matters." A few folks have taken credit for that excellent advise, and I believe Vince Lombardi was the coolest name to attribute to it (perhaps he was first). And the quote makes sense, and I believe is right, and great inspiration to give the "fallen".

When we manage through, or overcome adversity we have such an opportunity to impact not only our state of affairs, but an opportunity to impact (positively or negatively) those who are watching. We are not perfect. We will say and do things we regret as we strive. But HOW we "get back up" can have just as much impact as "getting back up" itself. Perhaps in some cases more so.

We all know when we've seen people "get back up" in a manner that has impact. And we all can attach faces to those who've impacted us through their adversity. 

I've seen parents manage through a prodigals departure. I've seen a woman deal with a parent who's battling the effects of age. I've seen friends take a big hit. I've seen a man persevere through a time of unemployment. I've seen a couple walk through cancer. I've seen people simply do life well.

How do you do your "get back up"?

In Corinthians it says "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize."

Life is hard. Adversity comes in many forms. A wayward child. An ailing parent. A financial blow. A lost job. An illness. A chaotic household. A car that's kaput. Etc. And of course it matters that you "get back up" from these things. But do it well.

I Walk the Line

I've got to call myself out. I consistently walk the line of cynic. And I walk the line of liking and not liking that I walk that line.

This morning on Good Morning America, they showcased a "challenge" that was to create awareness and generate funding to support ALS. Here's how it plays out. Someone challenges a social network "friend" to either make a donation to support ALS research, or post a video of them dumping a bucket of ice water over their heads. This challenge was started as an awareness campaign by a woman who's husband is battling ALS. A noble and meaningful effort. An effort which my son participated in last night. Not sure he's fully aware of what ALS is. Not sure I am.

So let me share my thoughts on the two aforementioned "lines" I mentioned that I walk.

The Line of the Cinic
I'm 47. While I believe I listen and have an ability to change my thinking about things via exposure, education, and understanding, I find myself pretty darn set in my ways. So this line is outwardly probably the worst. You see, I can dismiss an effort like this ALS challenge because of the seeming social media "celebration of me" or "social celebrity" of mere participation. This "social celebrity" plays out in many ways, but here's a few that seem to stick in my cynical craw.

• Sudden rich perspective about a current event (e.g. Robin Williams death)
• "Look at me" volunteerism or giving
• Oversaturation of ideology or theology to the point where your thoughts are ignored like a nuisance
• The "I don't live out but vehemently share opinion about things" expression
• And, like the ALS Challenge, shallow understanding about something I believe that I believe

So I may be a cynic. I may be ignorant. I may even be an asshole.

Liking the Line of the Cinic
I am muddled between the fact that I am pretty darn confident about my opinion(s), but want to make sure I am teachable still. I do know a good bit. I've got 47 years on this planet. But as I continue to learn more and more, I don't know what I do not know.

I read in a book somewhere "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." So forgive me and I will you. Perhaps not even in that order.

My dear friend, Stephen Kee says (and I may be misquoting, but you'll get my/his drift) "I will try to understand your intention while I may not understand your action".

I am calling myself out. Calling myself out to know more, to learn more, to know others more. To never be untrue to the facts, to myself, to others, to God (as if He wouldn't know). To look for intention first. Even when I don't want to.

A Father's Day Early

I know I'm a day early, but wanted to make sure I had a moment, and was "in the moment" when scribing my latest installment. A bit of an ode to my Dad.

I recently have had the privilege of caring for my Pop a bit. He's in his early 70s, and has had some health issues. Nothing like a lot of folks' parents have had. No cancer. He's got his mental capacities. But there's been weight loss, weakness, lack of energy, and the doctors to date haven't really been able to but their finger on what's been going on. All things considered, he's doing "fine" or "okay" as he likes to say.

So this gives me a chance for me to show my honor-thy-father in a newfound way as I support in more physical and mental fashions. Which is a pleasure. You see, our dads (well, most that I know) have been there for us. I mentioned in a Father's Day ode a few years back that my Dad was sort of a quiet supporter. A strong supporter for sure, but a quiet observer, and a quiet provider. And now I have the honor of distinction of supporting, observing, and providing for him in return.

My eldest is now 15 and while on the cusp of true employment is pretty much relegated to cutting lawns for a few bucks. And my parents have a lawn that grows. So this not only allows him to earn some cash, but gets me up to my folks' house more frequently. And I get to sort of live with them a little more now. You see, the proverbial time with my folks is on a special day (e.g. Father's Day), or when one of my kids has an event. But this is different. There's a bit of the old me who looks into their fridge and digs around a bit, but moreover, I get to hang with them. I'm truly enjoying this. This lets me see them smile more.

The other day my Dad had a doctors appointment, and in lieu of his recent weakness, my Mom had asked if I could accompany them in case they needed an extra hand or two. I was honored by the ask, and more than happy to participate. What made this all the more special was the fact that my eldest and I went to their place a night in advance and we got to spend the night. More smiles.

My dad has "his chair" and fortunately for me, there's a couch right next to it. This let's me sidle up alongside him for a Braves game and some dialogue. The dialogue around player performance, while still present, is lessening. And we talk more about how he's doing, getting up and down stairs in Maine, and such.

While this time has brought about a lot of questions and thoughts, (like what would it be like with this guy not around? How would I care for his wife?—perhaps a little morbid, but very real.) it is becoming a very special time. A time that I love.

It says in Proverbs (22:6) to "Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it".

Dad, you've done this. And is a joy to apply that training for your benefit.

A Kee Insight

It's been a long time since I rock and rolled. I mean since I've posted. And it's something I've thought I needed to get back to. Writing consistently in this space is a discipline that I regret not keeping up with as it helps me live life more purposed. In addition, my life passes and I've no record outside of my mind and my smart phone. So I hope to find the discipline to make the time to record my "Imperfectisms". That said, let me tell you a bit about a neighbor of mine...well, a friend of mine...hmm, a brother of mine and a project that he's just put out.

Stephen Kee has been a neighbor of mine for about 10 years give or take. Over the course of those years we've become "family". He and his wife have had impacted my wife and I (and our boys) in more ways than they know. Steve is a bit of a renaissance man. He's an entertainer, author, musician, speaker and more. An artist of all arts. I'd like to take a moment to tell you about his current endeavor. And in a bloggeddy blog way, promote it.

His inSIGHT project is a collection of Steve's writings and songs in which he's pulled family and friends in to provide vocal, instrument, production, and love support. It's an eclectic mix of spoken word and music influenced by gospel, R&B, reggae and more. These pieces of word and music cover various expressions as Kee views life from the perspective of his 57 unique years on the planet. And then shares his message from himself, as well as a varied cast of characters.

Now this may not be your style of art and music, but if you truly listened, I'd bet there's something within inSIGHT that would at the very least, make you pause and consider yourself—something which I believe Kee would hope for. And while you may not agree with Kee's message—I'm not sure if that'd matter to him either.

So I encourage you to visit iTunes and search under Stephen Kee to give a quick listen, and if so inclined, to download.

Hope to be back soon. And to steal Kee's sign-off, "Peace".