See Me

Now I normally am an office coffee machine drinker, but this morning I thought I'd treat myself to a Starbucks. As I walked to the counter, I saw this guy lounging on the couch. He had a few days of growth on his face, shorts, zippy hoodie jacket over a tee, and wore one of those Fidel Castro style military baseball caps. I ordered my coffee, paid, and turned to go out, and I saw that this guy was now leaning up from the couch with his Bible spread open and was in a deep conversation with this other guy. I could see that this guy was one of those mellow, laid back, Christian hipster, Bible study dudes. Of course I am judging from an initial visual of someone. And perhaps he could be completely different than my first impression of him, but it got me thinking. How much does our visual representation truly represent who we are? And, does it matter?

I have been sporting a trimmed beard for over a year or so. I wear jeans or shorts most everyday of my life (thankfully my vocation and congregation allow for it). Today, I am in a white linen button down, long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Jeans. And flip flops. What does that say about me? Does that mean I am laid back? Does that mean I am a lot more casual than most? Does that mean I am not too concerned with making a sparkling first impression on others? I would say that yes, that is me. Of course this is based on my own impression, but what about someone else? Would they say that I am sloppy. Or I am unprofessional. Or I am lazy. Or whatever.

The fact remains that we do have a first impression of others. And we do leave an impression on others. I recall when my brother graduated from college and had hair down to the middle of his back. I counseled him to get a hair cut for any pending job interviews. He said "People should except me for who I am.". That is right. People should. But we don't. We make an immediate "call" on who people are. Right or wrong.

Santa God

I am convinced that there are many in the church who have a list of behaviors which define what is required to be a "good Christian". Almost as though God is overly concerned with who is naughty and who is nice. Now I am not advocating being naughty by any means, but what I am talking about is the weight that can be placed on words like reputation, stewardship, self-control, etc. While admirable and good traits, these words can too easily change to pretense, control, rigidity, and the like.

I believe we can lose track of Jesus in these instances. Or at least place him second to our own quest to be a "good Christian". The Bible contains so many stories of wonderful men and women of God who are by no means these "good Christians". David slept with another man's wife, Jonah disobeyed God and wouldn't go to Nineveh (and met with a fish's belly), Peter denied Jesus three times, to name a few.

Lets not strive to be a "good Christian" and measure ourselves by a listing of character traits or self-goals. Lets strive to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul mind and strength—and love our neighbors as ourselves. Then let the list take care of itself.

Ears First

As someone who is pretty confident in conversation (unless of course I am not). I have learned (and continue to relearn) the importance of listening. How often do we enter into a conversation, or walk into a meeting with so much to say. While I probably have many colleagues and friends who would say that Rick can be quite a talker, I hope they'd also say the guy can listen pretty well too.

Too often we have an agenda where we'd like to "tell somebody something" or "let them know what we think" (air quotes inserted here—thank you Chris Farley). But I continue to learn that, even though I may truly have something to say, I am best served to insert my ear first. Surely I am not recommending entering into a meeting and staring at the person across from you, but if you are trying to accomplish something, you are best to engage the person you are with. Ask questions.

Now I know this isn't real ground breaking stuff, but I believe and have experienced that it is an all too forgotten art in communication. We all know it when we experience it. We've all entered into and sat and listened to a one-sided meeting or dialogue—not fun. And we've all experienced a truly engaging dialogue where both parties participate and share.

Even as parents, too often we can neglect to listen to our kids. Most have learned that kids are smarter, or at least more intuitive, than we give them credit for (after all...WE are the adults). It is too easy for us to proceed along with OUR agenda for the conversation that we miss out on some incredible communication with our kids.

I have been surprised at things I've learned when I enter ears first. Things like:

• I am wrong from the get-go
• There is a lot going on outside of my agenda
• We are already ahead of where I thought
• I may need to pull out of this conversation quickly
• We see eye-t0-eye
  
• Etc.

Within James 1:19, it states "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak..." I believe we are most effective in friendship and leadership when we can make listening a priority. Too often I/we do not.

Village People

During her time as First Lady, Hilary Clinton wrote a book entitled, It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us, in which she examines the impact of folks outside of the family and their impact on children. Now I haven't read this book, but the title alone warrants discussion. Let's consider the reality of our communities and what is essentially the community's message.

I've shared in the past that I come from a relatively affluent (incredibly affluent if you consider global societies) upbringing. I grew up in a "nice" town in Connecticut. Went to college at a "nice" university in Florida. And now reside in a "nice" area of the north Atlanta suburbs. Okay, when I say "nice", what I mean is: predominantly white; fairly wealthy; kids with nice cars; kids with Mom and Dad's checkbook; kids wanting for little; parents that hugely consider the Jones and how they can keep up with them; etc. Got the picture?

Indulge me in taking a quick, and perhaps opinionated, glance at my current Village.

I was riding from lunch with a friend and we passed some construction going on on a local road. A thin, tanned, sweaty, hard hatted young man was walking nearby our car. My friend commented, "There's a hard working young man". A moment later we passed by a "nice" neighborhood where there was a banner displayed across the subdivision entry sign which shared the names of all those in the neighborhood who were graduating Seniors from high school and the logos of which colleges they were attending (most of which were "nice" schools). The conversation then moved to a discussion of how much a community can essentially brand what the expectations are for kids. Sort of a "hey, Johnny, you know you need to go to a nice school or you may end up digging ditches"—As though there is anything ignoble about digging a ditch.

Clearly achievement, goal-setting, and success are fine. But if we really look at our own Village, could we use words like: Inviting, excepting, uplifting, considering, honoring, caring, communicating, supporting. You get my drift....

Okay, so this may be another one of my blog/rambles, but I guess I just want myself and anyone else to think about these things. Do we take our daily Village opportunity to consider:

• What message do we share with our kids?
• What message do we transmit to our neighbors, our colleagues?
• Am I practicing what I preach? (I often fall short)
  
• Is my preach appropriate?
  

Or maybe I'm just a new-school hippie who has smoked too much in the past....

* NOTE:

1. Certainly my quick "glance" does not encompass everyone. There are many wonderful people (and perhaps you are one) in all of the "nice" places I've lived. And hopefully those who've read my blog, or know me personally, would say I am not too jaded, but actually have a decent outlook on life, its challenges and prejudices, a solid faith foundation, and an overall grasp of right and wrong (I could be wrong). But I am speaking from and about a generalized perspective.
2. The words above do not exclude the church from the Village. Clearly there are many churches and faith institutions which place too much emphasis in wrong places and are an active participant in making a place too "nice".

Another Small Step

Last night we had the first parent introduction to Middle School. My first born went with the other kids to the gymnasium to have their own Middle School introduction to activities available, etc. He didn't want me to walk him to the gym door. Part of me was happy to let the guy go on his own—the other really wanted to walk him to the door.

Another small step in letting go of my boy. Another small step to, once again, test the actuality of my faith.

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)

American Idiot?

A while ago, I was having a conversation with a friend about American Idol. I recall there was a contestant (though her name slips me) who was always very happy. Smiling and agreeing with Simon, Paula (yes, that long ago), and Randy whenever there was constructive criticism. She had an of attitude of joy and everything's gonna be okay and I'll chalk this as a learning experience. I don't know why, but this annoyed me. In speaking with my neighbor, I was taken aback at my I'm over her happiness vibe. Holy smokes, what an idiot I can be.

Our culture today is so permeated with negative or slacker humor-driven that we are so used to celebrating others misfortune and we lose sight of the wonderfulness of good. The continued influence of the web, YouTube and other viral activity only strengthens this celebration. You don't have to go very far to see mocking parody, or joy in another's pain online—or on TV for that matter. Innocently enough, I get a kick out of watching the flubs on America's Funniest Home Videos, but I can also see myself in a not-so-positive light when the humor in others misfortune and sometimes even the annoyance I can feel towards the others gain so easily gets the best of me. This is so wrong (with the exception of a Red Sox loss).

When you really think about it, it is amazing at what annoys us. The next time you're annoyed, dig into the "why". Really look at it. Is it because it's not fair? They don't deserve it? Or are you/we just so infiltrated by our culture that it just annoys us?

Let me start today looking for the good, debating the "bad", and checking my progress over the course of the day.

Stay Out of the Way

I think as parents we try so hard to figure our kids out. I mean, both of my boys are so uniquely different, and I suppose it is only natural that I look at each and envision what they will become and what I can try to shape them toward.

Certainly there are fundamental things we need to instill in our kids. Right and wrong. Kindness. Faith. Selflessness. And others. But I am not talking about this sort of raising/training. I am talking about crafting them to be something I myself envision.

Throughout my kids lives, they have surprised me. Even at their young ages I've seen tremendous changes in their attitudes, talents, efforts, and personalities. Why is it then that I continue to craft or change them into something they may not be created to be. Who am I to cast that vision.

I was having a conversation with my wife the other morning, and through the discussion I realized that I had to ask myself "what right do I have in this". I believe God has created and will shape these guys into exactly as He's intended. I just need to do my best to train them and stay out of God's way. Also providing they'll allow God to grow and influence themselves.

Throughout my own life, I have been amazed at how God has built me—even much differently than I'd intended or imagined. And the unexpected vehicles He's used to do so. Therefore, let me stay out of His way when it comes to my kids. Not to be unsuitably uninvolved as a dad, but suitably allowing God to have the lead.

Löwenbräu

Here's to good friends, good counsel and great partner's in life. Celebrate today, those in your life who are support to you, ears to you, mentors to you, strength to you, perspective to you!

This blog title definitely shows my age, as well as the impact of a good jingle....

What Standards

This morning, on the drive to drop off my boys at school, from the back seat came the question, "If you could go back in time, would you?". My initial thought was, yes. Things seemed a lot easier "back then", whenever it was...as a kid I suppose. But, as I thought about it, I thought otherwise. I wouldn't change anything.

Now I haven't lost a spouse or child to cancer. I am employed at a job I like. I have (or at least the bank does) have a home. I have a decent grasp on my position in the universe. And there are many shoes I haven't walked in. But, life as I know it—I would not go back for a redo.

Okay, so life for me is decent enough for no redoing. But there are plenty of places where the course of life demands perspective and foundation. And these perspectives, or standards, determine our life joy, and well being. But what perspective—or who's standards do we validate our life?

Over the course of my 43 young years there have been many:

• My Dad's
• My Mom's
• My Teacher's
• My Friend's
• My Peer's
• My Culture's
• My Employer's
• My Professional Peer's
• My Kids'

But it is God's standards that are the only that matter. I so often lose sight of this. And, not so amazingly enough, when I do, I struggle. Boy, do I struggle. I become very judgmental, pious, a know-it-all, a gossip, unforgiving, a regular a-hole. And not a very good example to my boys and anyone else.

Regarding God's standards, when Jesus was asked which is the greatest commandment (read standard) in Matthew 22:36-40, he replies, "...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

By "hang on these two commandments" I believe he means that the list above, or any additions, becomes moot. If we can focus on God's standards outlined by Jesus. The rest should take care of itself. And our answer to the time travel question should be "of course not."

Taking Time

I remember as a child that I had an English teacher who used to say, "take your time, you are rushing". This same teacher used to tell me that I could do much better if I only applied myself (and I believe she wasn't the only one). I know that I now see this taking time concept not living itself out in the lives of my boys—particularly as it relates to homework. Certainly, taking our time, allowing for attention to detail, and ensuring we are doing a good job is great, but what about the concept of actually taking time? I am talking about stealing minutes from our days. We need to grab hold of some time.

Last night, I lay awake with a boatload of thoughts running through my head. Most of them of the professional sort. These nighttime mind whirlwinds can make us tired (ergo, the energy drink on my desk this morning), cause us confusion, and allow for worry. Amid my time awake, I was determined to take time today. Take time to participate in things which were not running through my head and keeping me awake. I am not encouraging irresponsible negligence of that which I need to accomplish, but ensuring my head is on straight through thought, prayer, and relationship with others.

Some time ago when I was sharing with a friend that I was "too busy" to work out, this friend responded with "Even the President has time to exercise.". Good point. Now I know I am still not good about working out and should more (a topic for another day, perhaps), but the point was clear. We need to be intentional with our days. Not just intentional about "getting work/stuff done".

Lets not make time. Lets take it. Steal it. Grab it. Own a piece of it.

Get Wise

I know, Dad. I hear that response a lot from my boys—typically with some sort of sing-song whine—when I am trying to do some sort of course correcting, or teach them something new . Sometimes they listen and come to actually know something I've shared. And sometimes the "I know" is their perceived exit from the discussion.

On a good communication day, I will try to make them aware that I am teaching them something that my 42 years have allowed me to experience. And that this experience has made me wise to some things. And even though they think they know something, they ought to listen intently and try to remember what I am saying. (Proverbs 7:1 My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you.) because they won't really be wise to something until they've experienced and applied what it is they know.

I heard a story once about a helicopter pilot who shared the experience of his first test-flight with an instructor. He had studied diligently about how to fly a helicopter, and to his understanding, knew how to fly one. All was well aboard his first test flight under the steering of his instructor. However, when he was handed the joystick and told to fly the copter, his inexperienced hands nearly wrecked it.

I believe the older we get, the wiser we get. As I age I see:

• there are plenty of things I don't know
• that I still may only know things, and not be wise to them
• there are some things I wish I didn't know, and was not wise to
• people who think they know things
• people who actually are wise to things
• that I could be wrong

I know....a bit of a ramble....

Moral Victories

Our clothes dryer had been making a screeching noise. I figured if you ignore it, it might go away. Well it didn't. And the dryer just stopped working. So, I went to Home Depot to price some dryers. I was pleasantly surprised that they were not as pricey as I'd anticipated. But, upon arriving back home, I figured there might be a way that the "McGuyver" in me could do something. So I grabbed the pliers and screwdrivers.

After taking apart nearly the entire dryer (excluding some electrical components because....well, I don't wanna burn down a home), I discovered that the belt was broken. I ordered a replacement online. Waited 5 days for delivery. Installed it. It worked. It felt good to sit and stair at the drier—all put back together, and actually spinning. But the darn thing is screeching still. Looks like we're back to drier purchase mode.

Thank goodness for moral victories—may we have the eyes to spot them, and the perspective to celebrate them.

What Is Is

We had a President say not too many years ago, in an infamous statement amid hearings of improprieties (to say the least), not only for a President, but moreover as a husband, "That depends on what your definition of "is" is". Yesterday, I was writing as to the fruit of the Spirit within Galatians (5:22-23) which reads "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control". It is interesting that Galatians shares this listing of "fruit" with an "is", not an "are". And it is fruit, not fruits.

While having a small knowledge of grammar and its use, it seems that this should read the fruit of the Spirit "are" love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Interesting that God chose "is".

I am going to take a stab at my definition of "is". Is is the true substance or state of something or someone. Wikipedia has as its partial definition meaning equal, homogeneous, or uniform. So, when God says love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. This is the true substance/state (me), or homogeneous (Wikipedia) of, Spirit fruit.

I believe God views this list of fruit, as one. The are the entirety of outcome. The fruit "is". Surely each fruit has a special and specific meaning to us and to God (see May 5th's entry, Control Thyself), but when we are living life in and of the Spirit, they all is.

Kind of like our children.

Each of my children is a Fossum. While each is in their individual makeup a listing of characteristics, or fruit of the Fossum. Each simply (or in its entirety extremely complex) is a Fossum. No getting around it for these two boys. That's what they is.

As it is with God's children. One led my the Spirit simply (or in its entirety extremely complex) is a child of God. No escaping it.

Now my kids as Fossums, and Spirit-led people as God's children need to understand that their is both inherent and expected behavior associated with these positions. This is a whole new ball of wax. Perhaps more on this later....

Control Thyself

According to Galatians, "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control".

According to Peter Gabriel, "their are always hidden silences, waiting behind each car" (No Self Control lyrics)

Both God and Gabriel have an interesting perspective on this self-control. God sees this as a gift. A Spirit Fruit. A strength. Something matured into. Gabriel sees the Dark Shadow. An almost eerie presence lurking to nab those who don't utilize self-control. (This I have experienced—and will again I am sure—as I tend to react and speak first.)

When experiencing the Spirit Fruit self-control, it seems an act of wisdom. As though one has experienced the Dark Shadow and had it sprung from the corner to bite the non-controlled. But now, through the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, is restrained. Sometimes as a result of this restraint there can initially be pain, slander, lack of immediacy, lack of intimacy, financial setback, and others. But I believe God provides validation and unworldly peace through it and from it. Certainly self-control should not allow us to be a door mat. But Spirit Fruit self-control should be worn as a badge of honor—particularly within the results from restraint.

Unfortunately for me, as someone who needs validation, recognition, "good jobs" and "well dones", often times there is silence. However, within this silence, God is allowed to whisper directed well dones. In this, I can rest. Phew.

Yesterday there was a situation where I had to reel myself and my tongue in. I shared this situation with my wonderful wife, and through a conversation with a trusted friend. This helped. But, I am finding that as I type this, I am feeling a well done....a nice balm.

Someone once said their is a reason that self-control comes last in the list of Spirit Fruit—in that it takes the longest to manifest itself. I also recall my mother had a magnet on the clothes dryer which stated "Grant me patience, Lord, and I want it RIGHT NOW!".

I pray I can continue to reach for this Spirit Fruit and enjoy its sweet juices—both myself, and for its effect, through me, on others. And not screw it up by allowing the hidden silence to spring up from behind the car.

Fault-mending

A Facebook friend of a friend of mine commented on a status update with the following statement. "Because I'm not perfect, I declare to be a fault-mender instead of a fault-finder!!!!!". In a past blog (Thumbing It, April 21), I spoke about pulling the thumb, or checking out our own reflection before casting blame. I also spoke of how we have a culture of blame (all of which I still hold as true). But this fault-mender concept struck me as an even deeper perspective than simply identifying our role, place, or attitude in a given situation. This reaches again to the question of What Are You Gonna Do About It? (see the WAYGDAI Question, April 2), and even further lays out that we should take a positive action. Fault-mending seems to have some sort of rectifying or reconciliation principle quality. Wondering, are we going to try to make right, or better, a situation or opportunity. Fault-mending requires thought, right perspective (I hope), and energy. Fault-mending could be self-directed or other.

Regarding Fault-mending, I have a few questions:

1. Will I/we Fault-mend today?
2. Do I/we have the energy to Fault-mend?
3. Am I/we vulnerable enough recognize areas within my/ourselves that could use some Fault-mending?
4. Would I/we allow trusted others to Fault-mend my/ourselves?
5. Will I/we make time to Fault-mend?
6. And perhaps the most critical piece per the original quote—Do I/we clearly recognize my/ourselves as "not perfect"?

Do I Carpe?

Saturday night I was a participant in a pretty incredible event. We have a family and community friend who has been in a battle with cancer for quite some time. Most recently, she has been on a 10-month journey, away from her husband and three children at a Houston-area hospital. Well, she came home on Saturday and was greeted by some fanfare that some dear friends had arranged. A boatload (don't know if that is about a hundred, but it was a bunch) had lined the streets with signs and shouts of encouragement upon her return home. There were cheers, tears, smiles and even local news coverage. Needless to say, it was quite amazing.

The other day I was up early in a hotel room and found Dead Poets Society on the tube. Within this story, Robin Williams teaches his students to wonders of Carpe Diem—Seize the Day. The young lads in his class are bogged down by the historical and social walls within their school. Williams shakes them from their cobwebs and enables them to recognize the opportunity each day brings.

This triumphal reentry for our friend was an image of a group of neighbors, friends and family seizing the day. Very cool, but it challenged me to question if I am doing this on a daily basis. Do I carpe the day?

Certainly a wonderful celebration of a friends positive turns with cancer are worth seizing and celebrating, but I'd like to challenge myself to do that as I exit out of the bed (and this morning I was pretty darn tired). Over the course of our days do we recognize them as a gift from God. I know I don't. But I want to.

All of those "diems" which show up at our door, or shoot us an email, or look to us for an answer, or challenge an opinion—do we recognize them? Do we "carpe"? I believe it takes a clear, God-given perspective to truly allow us to recognize these moments. And a prayer-driven, God-trusting life to allow us "carpe" appropriately.