Relationship Status

I am off of work today. Sort of. And it has afforded me some free time. Of which I am taking advantage. So I lengthened my Friday morning coffee time to a few hours. I meet with a group of guys every Friday morning at the local Panera Bread. There's usually about eight of us. And I really enjoy it. Some days more than others. Today was a good day. The conversation actually got pretty heavy and exploratory. Which I love. Panera turned into a few conversations with some other fellas at Starbuck's (needless to say, I am pretty jacked up on caffeine right now, so please excuse any rambling or typos).

So now I've moved to a little table that I could plug my power cord in. It has me positioned next to a couple of ladies who seem to be in their late 40s or early 50s. As I sat down their conversation hushed as one of them finished their sentence saying something about getting out of debt.

It is amazing how we all have stuff that we all go through. Some things we feel we have to hush as they may seem embarrassing, like debt, or underachievement, or failed marriages, or joblessness, or confusion.

What is nice is that these two ladies have each other. This doesn't seem to be some sort of commiseration, or simply a "buck up" kind of conversation. These two appear to have quite a relationship. They're not resolving everything here and now. They are caring for each other and conversing.

Our status of relationships is so important. The quality. Relationships built on trust, transparency, respect, right position, servitude, joy (or more).

I believe God has created us to be in relationships. And that we need to be in ones that exhibit these qualities and more. Be it romantic, friendship, professional, parental, spousal. These qualities have to be there for them to be effective, accountable, beneficial, and fulfilling.

Now each relationship may have different degrees as to what is appropriate. Like I may not be quite as transparent about certain things with my son as I might my wife. But I will act in accordance with my position as Dad. And to truly have that relationship work, my son would act in accordance with his position as Son. But I will serve him. And he will serve me. If the relationship is right.

So to is it with the balance of them. Right relations. "It is not good for man to be alone."

Monkey Me

Jesse Rice, author of The Church of Facebook, recently stated in his blog, "I can never live up to the expectations of my imaginary audience." In a nutshell he discussed how our status updates, photo posts, etc. are posted with the hopes of making some type of impression on our "friends" to have them see us in a certain light. I myself have discussed this in a past postings (see Social Medium or Unlike Cynicism), nor am I dogging Facebook and its users, but this "imaginary audience" idea struck me.

I guess we are always in some sort of performance. A performance that plays out every day in what we wear, how good a job we do, or how many people like us. Facebook just provides us another stage. A stage that's easier to put a mask on and act out.

But why act.

Everyday I let my ego or insecurities get the better of me. I can cling to a "Do they like what I did?", "Do they think I was stupid?", "Do they think that other person is better?".

That darn audience of colleagues, neighbors, strangers, family, or "friends". Its always there. Beckoning for my performance. And there I am like a monkey with a little cap and tin cup. Hopping around. "Like me!", "Like me!". And I wanna make sure it—my performance...well, me—is acceptable.

Perhaps this is some sort of Freudian result of my upbringing. Perhaps not.

But why do we need the approval of an audience anyway? Is it the rush from their applause and approval? I believe that deep down it is a perspective, a choice, a vacancy. That I can try to overcome myself through positive-thinking, addiction, business, success, etc. Or I must ask God to fill daily—even more often. And a lot of days I muddle through without embracing that understanding. And He will let me sit with my tin cup and jump and jump. He will put people and occurrences in my life as if to say "Hey Monkey, remember me? It ain't about you and your little cup and hat." Thank goodness...

Happy Birthday, Susan

I once heard a story about a guy who was a pretty renowned speaker who used to travel around orating to large groups, speaking into many lives, making a great living. He was in high demand. He really loved what he did. Then one day, he found out that his wife had a pretty intense disease which had her bedridden and in need of his daily care and attention. He then gave up his career and stayed home tending to his wife. This speaker was once asked in an interview if he regrets giving up his career and having to stay home and care for his wife. He replied to the question, "HAVE to stay home?", "I GET to stay home!". He recognized that there is a wonderful commitment in marriage. For better for worse. In sickness and in health.

We recently saw the mockery of marriage from the Kardashian clan. Outside of the sanctity of marital union being treated so lightly, these folks and often so many others miss out on what the GET to do.

My wife is celebrating the beginning of what I believe (we never can remember) is her 47th year. For the past 14 of these, I have been honored to be her husband. And a few year's prior to our marriage, we became the best of friends. While this is a birthday and not an anniversary, I want to share a little about what I love about my wife and our marriage.

My wife is an amazing person who has always supported the underdog, and throughout our time together, she's been a tremendous supporter of me (a frequent underdog). She is beautiful and still carries the youthful charms from the day I met her and I am crazy about. She has maintained friendships since her youth and loves her parents (all three of them) dearly. She is devoted and can be counted on through good times and bad. She loves her children and desires the best for them and from them. She is imperfect. She puts up with me. And I love her.

And I love what we GET to do. We GET to walk through life together. We GET to struggle together. We GET to laugh together. We GET to cry together. We GET to serve each other. We GET to course correct each other. We GET to build each other up. We GET to love each other....even when it is hard.

Life is hard. Relationships are hard. But the robustness of life and marriage comes from what we GET to go through together. All of us.

I love you, Susan. I am honored you love me. Happy Birthday.

Reinventive Reality

Its been said that if you dress for success, you'll be successful. We react to things that happen in our personal or professional lives and try to change a status quo, change an appearance, change a perception, change something to what our idea of it ought to be.

Over my 40 plus years, I have reinvented myself (or at least tried to) on many occasions. I've dressed a part. Talked a part. Learned a part. Or pretended a part. I believe these reinventions are misdirected. The driver is not ourselves*. It's the girl. The neighbor. The boss. The client. And reinvention is not sustainable in and of itself. There needs to be transformation.

I am in my fourth year of being a non-smoker. There is a line in the movie Dead Again that states. "Someone is either a smoker or a nonsmoker. There's no in-between. The trick is to find out which one you are, and be that." Of course, mine was not as easy as finding out which one I was and simply being that.  I can recall so many times where I tried to reinvent myself as a non-smoker. After all, it wasn't good for my health, and the social acceptance had more than waned over the years. There were countless New Years, Birthdays, and Mondays which were to be my catalyst of change. But they weren't. I needed transformation.

You see, God made me (all of us), and wants a relationship with me. At its deepest level. And smoking was a stumbling block. A wall. An idol. I knew it. And I couldn't remove it on my own. I couldn't just find which one I was and be that. It took an act of God to transform me. And He did. When I stopped doing it on my own and allowed him to own it.

I've even tried to reinvent myself with God many times. And it has always been well intentioned. To be a better "christian", a better witness, a better husband, a better father, a better person. But I have found it unsustainable in and of itself without transformation. And He is in the business of transformation.

How many of us walk around wanting to be things that we (or others) think we need to be—to reinvent ourselves? I know I stupidly battle others' impressions of me and lose sight of God's perception. His eternal perception. He had something in mind when he made me. Why would I want to be anything different.

What do you wish to change. To reinvent? Can you just muster up the mojo and do it on your own?





*Surely we can learn new things to grow educationally or vocationally. Or take up things like kayaking, or running which are good for us physically, and perhaps spiritually, but this is not reinvention, or at least not as I am talking about it.

Decisions, Decisions

As a parent, we can only do so much to influence our children's decision making. We rear them as best we can. Communicate with them as best we can. Expose them to things. And so on. Ultimately they're on their own. And will have choices to make. For better or worse.

If one of my boys is having some decision-making time, there are a few ways they'd respond:

1. I am gonna ask Dad about that and follow through accordingly
2. I am gonna ask Dad about that, then make my own decision
3. I know what Dad would say and I'll do that
4. I know what Dad would say and I won't do as he'd want

And as they get older, I'd imagine its:

1. I believe that it is fine to do that
2. I know I shouldn't do that

In Matthew 8 we hear the story of the Centurion who describes himself as "a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, ‘Go!’ and he goes, and to another, ‘Come!’ and he comes, and to my slave, ‘Do this!’ and he does it."

My kids are under authority. Mine (or my wife's), their own, or that of their choosing. I don't have a lot of control over it. I pray. And I trust God. He made them after all. And His desires for them are far better than mine.

But who's authority do I choose to be under? All too often an incorrect authority - my own, or one of my choosing (hope that's not the case with my kids).

There is a fine line of life under authority, and "the way is narrow that leads to life". It takes, discipline, effort, and a willingness to live under authority - wherever that authority leads. If I choose to live under God's authority, I need to be in communion with Him. And sensitive to the pulse of the Spirit. I cannot do it on my own.

Who Occupies Your Street?

So there's all of these "Occupy Wall Street" protests going on now. And its amazing at all of the storylines. Fox News will tell you one thing MSNBC will tell another. And we each have our own takes based on what we believe and know.

I am one of those folks who may not know a lot, but I believe a lot*. I am not a financial or business guru. Never have been, never will be. Additionally, I am not blind. Clearly there is financial disparity in our country. In our world. And clearly there are the selfish and there are the givers.

The protestors are definitely having impact in that they are causing folks to think and react. Perhaps that is a chief goal of theirs. Perhaps not. Perhaps its more institutional change. Our governing change. Frankly its probably a lot of the above dependent upon the person.

And that's the thing. While these folks are occupying streets and parks, they cannot occupy the individual. Influence yes. Occupy no. So, who occupies your street?

I'm not sure we'll ever live in a land of equality. There will always be differing opinions, religions, races, and rearing. But what we do with our own street is where we have impact. Or what impacts us. We can't control with our street, we can only influence. Put ourselves out there. Share. Serve. Give. Take. Withhold. Spend. It is my street and I allow its occupants. It could be myself, others, systems of beliefs, etc.

We see these protestors on the television. We form opinions. We point fingers. Yeah, we are so darn good at pointing fingers. Them too.

This may be a no win situation. You cannot legislate morality, mercy or compassion.

Jesus was a street occupier. Still is. Back in the day, He constantly challenged governing authorities. Especially the church. Questioned it to look at itself. And in turn, us to examine ourselves. Jesus causes us to look at our "own street". And examine what we're doing with it. Or who is occupying it. He steered to compassion and mercy. Pointed his finger. All the way to the cross. He knew what His street was about.

In all honesty, I am a finger pointer. A judger. I allow so much to occupy my street. Sometimes a lot less. Sometimes a lot more.

Jesus called us to compassion and mercy. But not to point fingers or judge. We don't know what is truly going on with each individual's street. We can look at an aggregate and form an opinion. Perhaps rightly so. But we can't lump all individual's streets together.

"So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

"When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you."

Paul calls us to "examine ourselves". And Jesus to remove our own "planks" before commenting on splinters of others. Who's occupying your street today? This moment? Each moment?





*You could argue that believing is knowing, dependent upon the degree or reality of beliefs or experience from believing. A topic for another discussion.

Only Human

I was listening to NPR and they were describing the Somalian refugees fleeing their country's famine and violence to Kenya, where they are encountering another layer of violence and lack of food. Their are nearly 30,000 children under 5 dead as a result of this horror.

Rapper, Kaynon, a Somalian by birth, was being interviewed and asked if and how he would use his art and celebrity to bring awareness to, or somehow affect this crisis. His reply was quite outstanding, thought provoking, and authentically honest. 

"I am just a human being dealing with these circumstances." Profound.

We are just humans dealing with circumstances. But we don't have to go it alone. Yes, we have others to walk through valleys with us. Others who've worn our shoes and can provide wisdom. And this is good. But God Himself can be with us in our circumstances. No matter how horrific. We just need to ask and seek.

"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever" (John 14:16). 

Not sure how this will help me make sense of 30,000 dead. I guess I could say that this is a result of sin in the world. And it may be. But I can't write it off as just that. There is a lot more at stake around us. A lot more places we can live into. A lot more people we can love. We just need to ask and seek them. Then act.

And I can just sit here. Safe in my suburban America. Yet atrocities abound around the world. Even next door if I am looking. Shame on me when I sit.

Engine Idol

I was listening to a podcast of Bob Rowland, Pastor of something or other at our church. I know he has something to do with family and parenting. Anyway, he was describing how good we are at making idols. He even described us as being idol factories. And that idols require sacrifice.

I think, typically when we look at idols, the calf, the Sphinx, even Greg Brady's Hawaiian necklace comes to mind. But if we dig a little deeper we may see images of work, status, our children's success, even position in the church.

But what idols really drive us. Push us towards things that become in the place of God.

God made it pretty clear to Moses and everybody that we shouldn't have any other things in His place. His first place. And yet we put things there.

I believe that our deep drivers. The real engines that push us (well surely me) toward idol worship are things like acceptance, affirmation, or demanded respect. And our idols build from there. They then move on to take the forms of the idols we are familiar with—the ones we point our fingers at.

1. Dad spends way too much time at the virtual office, let alone at the brick and mortar venue because he wouldn't want to be viewed as lazy.
2. Mom spends too much time planning the kids schedule because she wouldn't want her kids not competing and doing as everyone else.
3. Johnny spends too much time online because he can find more interest—a more provoking life—online than offline.
4. Mary spends too much time in front of the mirror because she doesn't want her classmates to see her as ugly.
5. Bill checks another item off of his list of "things to make me a good Christian" because it will put his mind at ease that he was ogling Glen's wife.
6. Etc., etc.

And these things are easy to point our fingers at. We see these so much in others. And condemn the surface idol*. I believe the "what" becomes the issue. The thing we need to "change" or simply put a band-aid on. And the "why" is not addressed. Ergo the next idol brewing.

What are the engines for our idols? And what do we sacrifice to keep them running? And have we asked why?


*Clearly there are some idols which need to be addressed for their own sake. But the deep-rooted idol needs the attention as well.

Bubble Boy

Sometimes I feel like I walk around with some sort of protective layer outside of me. A layer that creates a buffer from the world. Or those things which could affect me. Recently its shown itself as a buffer of cynicism—keeping me a peg above folks and well protected from any opportunities for relationship and understanding. Often keeping my ears sealed.

Its easy to protect yourself when you keep things at bay. After all, defense wins Super Bowls.

Its easy for me to be smarter, wittier, more creative, more correct, more "christian", or oddly more anti "christian", within my protective bubble.

I was in a conversation with one of those acquaintance friends (the kind of one that you might not put the "friend" label on, but have a liking for and have dialogued with). We were talking about how we have preconceived notions about people based on what we've heard, or based on a limited experience. And it became clear that I am not alone with my buffers. Wrong as they may be.

My buffers show up to protect myself and my opinions. They rationalize. They don't allow for influence. They don't allow for understanding. They don't allow for true opportunities to love.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"*

Our Senior Pastor stated yesterday morning that "God wants to be preeminent, not prominent."

My biggest stumbling block to give God the position of preeminence is me.

When we put God as preeminent he provides the buffer. He provides the protection. He provides the lens. He provides the understanding—the love. Now God's protection is just that—His protection. The type of protection that is out-of-this-world. One which we most likely wouldn't understand all the time. And this might not take the form we'd want. His protection may be painful.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds"**

Joy in trials. Not my cup of tea. But God's cup. And it overflows.




* Matthew 7:3
** 1 James:2

How Trustworthy?

Today is the first day back at school for both of my boys. One into 5th grade—the top of the heap at elementary school. The other into 7th—brimming with confidence having had a year of middle school under his belt. We had a great summer. And now are back into some much needed normalcy of schedule, dinner, etc. And the boys are once again sent out from the house. Into their world. One which doesn't have any of my or my wife's parental supervision. I hope (once again) that they remember the things we've taught them. And experienced alongside them.

This can be a pretty intense experience for both parents and kids. Particularly if it is a first or second time experience—the drop off at the bus or school. Seeing the little back pack waddle off towards a destiny not entirely known.

We just have to trust that they've listened. Believed. And embraced all the teachings from their parents.

I read yesterday an Ernest Hemingway quote which stated "The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them." Well, this is one of those times. A lot is now in their hands. Not ours.

In the first chapter of Romans, it talks about an element of this. From God to us. In verse 20, God provides his truth statement about his existence "For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."

So God is kind of saying "you know I am God, right?" "I've made this clear to you."

"Now, little Billy. We've talked about all of these things you need to remember at school." "Do this. Don't do that. Honor what we've told you as parents."

And yet in verse 25 "they exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator".

The kids are on their own—to remember what they've been taught. And how it would distress us to have our teachings ignored.

This is one of those empathetic moments (albeit on a less omnipotent scale) where we can identify a little with God when we ignore His teachings. And how He might feel. Watching our backs wander off with the warnings of being sheep amoung wolves.

A Bugs Life

I have just started another Don Miller book, Through Painted Deserts. And from the sixth page or so, Miller has started to craft another great story. I love this guy. He truly is gifted at illustrating a unique perspective toward the Gospel, God, and Christianity itself*. And I am excited about taking a van ride, through this book, with Don and his buddy across half of the US through the pages.

So by the sixth page or so, Miller has started visiting "Western Christianities propositions of behavior modification" and how we are relatively programmed on "how" we do things. Things we all see a good bit of on bookshelves and blogs. How do I become a better Christian. How do I raise a child. How do I maintain a healthy marriage. How to succeed in business. How to become a better leader. Verses "why". Why do we treat things with different degrees of importance. Why do we, as Miller says, buy $50 jeans vs. $30 jeans.

I have a friend that shared that if we dig deep within ourselves as to "why" we do things—and keep asking deeper and deeper "whys", we might be surprised as to what we uncover. Why do I dress in a certain way. Why do I look at that person and think this. Why do I write. Why did she leave me. Why do I fill in the blank.

We are a being searching for answers. Or perhaps at least we should be thinking about them. I guess we could get too caught up the noise of life that we don't pause to take a literal or figurative van ride with a buddy across half of the US.

Our life should be asking why.** And when we uncover answers, act accordingly.

• If our "why" identifies a piety or presupposed ism, we should stop. 
• If our "why" identifies an behavior of over-security, we should loosen up and brave some more in life. Testing our faith.
• If our "why" doesn't consider another culture —or even a counter-culture, we might need to step outside our world. 
• If our "why" places a more expensive pair of jeans over another, we should....well you get where I am going.

I am challenged by this. I want to consciously ask why. I am sitting in a coffee shop and there are folks walking in and out. I see them and can easily develop quite an opinion. Why. Maybe its just me. Maybe I am just an ass.

So on page 13, Miller is leaving a rest area and squashes a bug. To which he states "all your questions are answered." Perhaps all our questions will be answered when we are squashed or snatched from this world. But what do we do for the time being.

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. - 1 Corinthians 7:29-31





* Admittedly, sometimes I can get caught up in an author's opinion and perspective on life and keep The Author's book of Life secondary on the night stand. I don't believe Miller's perspective is un-biblical it's just that. A perspective. And I believe a good one. Hopefully I have a perspective of my own too.

**Sometimes I think our world, the makeup and beauty of it is screaming out its answer. We are just too blind to see. To busy. To self-absorbed.

Beastly Burden

I was watching the Behind the Music: Mary J. Blige edition last night. What a story. Raised by an abusive Dad. Battled cocaine and alcohol addictions. And overcame some tough streets. Her story was pretty intense and inspiring. What struck me as most impactive was her statement that "Through forgiveness comes reconciliation." As well as her commitment to prayer.

My folks have been heavily involved in Mission in Rwanda. I've read quite a novel about the genocide there. And most amazingly the forgiveness and reconciliation that continues to take place. People are living alongside others who have slaughtered their entire families—sometimes in front of their own eyes.

Boyd Bailey tweeted a quote the other day: "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." -Louis B. Smedes. Not sure who Smedes is, but he definitely makes a great point on forgiveness as well.


How often do we keep hold of someone or something who has slighted us. Most likely with nothing to forgive along the lines of molestation or slaughter. But yet we do. Stupidly. I suppose it's mostly pride.

They said this. Or they did this. I want to teach them a lesson. They should know better. They shouldn't treat people like that. I told them so. They are always doing that. They may really even just be a major a-hole. And still we carry the weight of unforgiveness.

If we don't execute the power of forgiveness the burden is ours to carry. The anchor is set. The immobility is eminent. The bars are locked. And we lose out on the freedom and opportunities which come through reconciliation. We may be really missing out on some pretty out of this world things—on joy.

Ephesians 4:32 shares, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Of all our nerve to not forgive.

The Audacity of Me

I was feeling a bit uninspired from a faith-walk standpoint. Things were just sort of plodding along. I'm sure many of us do feel this way, or have at points in our lives. Perhaps all to often.

A friend loaned me Francis Chan's Crazy Love. The first chapter or two into the book was enough to recalibrate me a good bit. Chan outlines, pretty effectively, the enormity and omnipresence and holiness of God. And it caused me to feel that I had a lot of nerve to feel uninspired. He also points the reader to a video on his website which tries to give a look at God's majesty. And really makes me feel like such a dumb ass for sitting around feeling uninspired.

In some respect the hippies may have had it right. They walked around telling us to love one another. And that all you need is love. And through most likely hallucinogen-influenced eyes looked at a flower for hours on end, and appreciated the beauty and intricacies of it. There's a Youtube video of a guy in Yosemite who is awed by a double rainbow (which of course its been auto tuned, but no less inspired). While there may be some mind influence in play, this guy seems to get it.

The audacity of us Christians who take for granted God. And his creation. I can sit and make a quick assessment or judgement on anyone around me. Forgetting that God numbers even the very hairs of their head. Or sit and ask God to inspire me. To show himself to me. So I can feel good.

Common-undrum

Andy Stanley tweeted (or retweeted) the other day "What if God doesn't owe us an explanation? What if He ....is God?"

What if we surrendered our rights. Our right to know why God does things. Our right to think we deserve this or that. Our right to determine our roles.

Romans 9:12 states, "Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" Am I okay with that? What if I am of "common use". Clearly I'd like to be one of the noble ones. And additionally, would I like to have "purpose", or just "use".

As an adjective, and according to Dictionary.com, "common" is defined as follows: 1) belonging equally to, or shared alike by, two or more or all in question 2) pertaining or belonging equally to an entire community, nation or culture 3) joint; united. 4) lacking rank, station, distinction, etc.; unexceptional; ordinary

Servants are common folk, right? Yet, we know when we've experience uncommon service.

Man in the Mirror

“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves” (Galatians 6:3).

Quite a Monday morning self-gut check courtesy of Wisdom Hunters blog. Oh, and Paul to the Galatians.

Justified, solely by faith.

Who's the Boss

I was in a conversation with a friend yesterday and we were discussing that there are things everyone either believes in or hopes for or knows (or doesn't know). And that we choose which things that have authority over us. (Now, I am not talking cops and scientific laws, etc.) As a matter of fact, if we so allow, there can be many authorities in our lives. Authorities can take the form of our neighbors, our circumstance, our boss, our reputation, our addiction, our self-sufficiency, our faith, our pastor, our children, our spouse, you name it.*

Authorities are in charge. They have power. They reign over our thoughts, words, and deeds. But we define for ourselves to whom we give authority on any given day. I have heard kids shout "You're not the boss of me!" to an annoying older brother or friend who has told them to do something. Clearly these kids have determined who is NOT in charge. I have also heard things like "I am NOT going to let this cancer beat me!" or "They're not gonna tell me what I can and cannot do." or  "I'm not gonna let them talk to me that way" and various forms of "Oh no you didn't."

Things happen to us. Job loss. Illness. Financial distress. Family issues. An incapacitated car. A seemingly slighted reputation. And we clearly can't control a lot of this stuff. But do these have authority over us?

I believe (or I guess, personally give authority to) that there is a God which governs over all and has absolute authority. And even so, He has chosen to allow us to choose our own authorities. Nice of Him.

I guess it would be easy for me to say that I would proclaim "He has authority over my cancer" when I don't have the disease. However, I have had hardships (job issues, financial woes, addictions, a miscarriage, personal issues of all sorts) and have chosen God to have authority over them. It hasn't taken away all of the pain and struggles. But I have put Him in charge. And I am confident in His authority. I pray I continue to do so—it is my choice after all.

Who or what is/are the authorities in your life?


*Obviously we need to recognize position and respond accordingly. For example, I am not gonna tell my boss "you have no control over me or what I do", while he may not, I am going to honor his position.

Out of Control

How often does something enter in to your life that makes you realize your utter lack of control over things. Not necessarily "will I get this presentation done on time", but "will I make it through the day". Our lives are so much driven by our desire for our own outcomes. What we think is right.

Now I am not saying we shouldn't plan or set goals and what not. Let me share a couple of things.

One. My wife, youngest son and I were sitting in the church balcony on Sunday and our Pastor was teaching out of James 3:13-14 which reads "Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." And our Pastor continued with a teaching around the audacity of control. As he was closing out his sermon, the videographer sitting next to us, passes out. Practically in my wife's lap. She was fine, but given the sermon topic, it added a bit of punctuation to our true control in life.

Two. My wife and I were having a conversation with our babysitter. A young lady going into her senior year of high school. She was sharing how she see's herself a little different than her peers. The things she likes differ from the crowd. I shared a conversation that my wife and I had about how all too often we try to determine things for our children. And that "who are we to determine such outcomes for the wonderful individuals that God has made."

I believe we get so focused on what we think we need to be and do. And that focus so easily gets placed on others—our kids, our neighbors, our spouses, our bosses, our community, our government—what we believe they need to be and do.

Seth Godin recently had a blog posting the other day which kind of gives a different take to this topic which I believe is quite relevant when it comes to control, or determining outcomes. There is a bit of a "hippie" nature to living out of control. And I know those folks smoked a lot of pot.

James 4 continues in verse 17 "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

Do we know the good we ought to do? Then let's do that. And live more out of control.

Rigid Wisdom

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Is the old dog dumb? Too set in his ways? Or too wise for the young dogs.

A lot of young dogs think they're smart. Some may have experienced a good bit over their brief life. Things which may have afforded them wisdom. Some may have had a good master who trained them (the master plays a big role here, but that's a topic for another day). Some may just be born a little smarter in some respects.

A lot of old dogs have done stuff. Experienced stuff. Learned stuff. Landed-upon stuff. And perhaps become a little rigid.

I think when Solomon was asked by God what he wanted if he could have anything in the world, his reply was "Wisdom". 1 Kings 4:34 shares, "From all nations people came to listen to Solomon’s wisdom, sent by all the kings of the world, who had heard of his wisdom." So Solomon was a wise guy. Folks revered him for his God-given wisdom. But was Solomon an old dog? I don't know. He was wise, though. Perhaps wise beyond his years. Perhaps wise in an only-Godly sense.

I believe wisdom is flexible, dynamic, adaptable. Wisdom, while it may not necessarily be taught a new trick, clearly could perform one. Perhaps wouldn't an unwise one, but would look into it, and not just right it off.

As we age, we do know more and more. Perhaps even get wiser. But does it become a stumbling block? Or a wall that we can't seem to overcome? Even when there's wonderful new grass or areas of influence and areas to influence on the other side.

I believe that God's wisdom, when humbly sought and humbly applied would have: The look and activity of a new dog —á la a wag of the tail and a potential new trick or two; with the confidence and patience of a dog whose run around the block a good bit.

I can get stuck in my ways, and in what I think I know (and I know some old dogs in this kennel as well). Some of which are probably okay, or even good. However, hope I can remain "new dog" enough to have impact and still enjoy a new trick.

Father's Day: View from a Father

I went to a YouTube video that a friend of mine posted about British athlete Derrick Redmond being assisted across the finish line by his dad after blowing out his hamstring. As I roll into a Saturday morning, this video is pretty intense. But with Father's Day being tomorrow, it makes my position as Father all the more top of mind—all the more important.

As a Dads, we have such a unique view of our children. Not altogether different from that of the Moms, but different none the less. Perhaps particularly as fathers of boys. Or at least that's the perspective I can draw from—'cause that's the one I got.

Having grown up and experienced a good bit (though a ton more to come, I am sure). I know I've dealt with a good bit of trials and tribulations, good times and bad, joys, and pains, over the course of things. When I look at my two boys, whom I adore, and realize that they are gonna go through things I wanna protect them from—as well as things I want them to experience, I can feel a little helpless. Not helpless from having influence and providing wisdom and direction, but I just know there is so much that is out of my hands that they will experience:

• joy
• love
• broken hearts
• addiction
• pride
• pain
• helplessness
• victory
• defeat
• sickness
• health of mind and body
• regret
• ego
• failure
• success

All of this on their own—for themselves. I just pray that I have done, and am living a right role along the way.

I guess I am having more or less an experiential moment as a Dad. Wherein we take a moment to draw back and look at our role. And look at the incredible joys, and deep emotion and potential for pain ahead. A look ahead that is not as a direct participant (or the headliner), but as a role player.

I could imagine (in my finite way) what it must have been like for God to send His Son out into the cold dark world we live in (as a baby none the less). A world that has it fair share of wonderful joy. But also a seemingly unfair share of pains. Jesus had a relation with his Father. Realizing that He (Jesus) was to be the direct participant with this world—knowing his Father was with him.

Creature Comfort

Yesterday I wrote about specific roles in relationships, but I wanted to remind myself that all the defining and understanding of roles is almost pointless if we are not acting in that role. This is not role-playing wherein I would essentially pretend, but moreover role-fulfilling. I spoke of genuineness yesterday. Relationships are truly genuine when you can see the fruit from a fulfilled role.

For example. When discussing things like behavior, respect and boundaries with my sons, often times I hear "okay", "I will", "I understand". Now these words all to often prove a bit hollow—or not genuine. As I have heard them before. However, if I hear these words (or even better, if I don't) and I see the behavior, respect and boundaries play out—see the fruit itself, I can see that it truly is a right relationship. And roles are being fulfilled.

The same holds true with my relationship with God. Now, God loves relationship. He makes them. He fulfills them. He enjoys them. Scripture is clear about this—The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” I need to continuously check my genuineness of my relationship with God. And see if I see fruit. If I don't, I am not in my role of the relationship.

We can't get comfortable in our roles. That is not as God intended relationship. We can find comfort in relationships, but we gotta be careful not to get too comfortable. Too much comfort is not from God. Our relationships must have activity and momentum—our world craves this. Each must be lived out with intention to truly receive the reward (whatever that looks like) intended.

Role in Relation

My oldest son's facebook status states that he's "in a relationship". For his age perhaps that's too young to be in a relationship. Or maybe I'm just too old.

I was in a conversation with a friend the other day and we were discussing the difference between culture and relationship. Culture is defined as "the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group".  Relationship, "a connection, association, or involvement." With these definitions in mind—regarding culture, I think we can believe things and have behaviors, but I am not sure we can create or develop culture, it more or less happens. But with relationship, there is more proactivity. We can pursue relationship. We can start a relationship. We can leave a relationships (most of 'em). We can nurture relationship.

Relationships require people to have a position—a role. I am a husband. I am a Dad. I am a friend. A son. A colleague. A member. An employee. A child of God. Each of these relationships require me to play a certain part. And for each of these relationships to best function, those in them need to understand and fulfill their part.

The Father. The Son. The Holy Spirit. These Guys have it right. Perhaps being all in one is a help. Perhaps being perfect is another. Easy for Them, eh? There must be some sort of otherworldly pulse that goes on as they go about Their business of omnipotence, redemption and wisdom.

So what is my role in my relationships. Different in each, but I must understand and embrace it. I must play it out. With genuineness. If not understood and not genuine, I will not receive from, or bring to the relationship, that which is fullest.

John 1:18 says "No one has ever seen God, but the one and only Son, who is himself God and is in closest relationship with the Father, has made him known." 

Our relationships should make known, or give honor to the others within them. Do I make God known in my relationship with Him and my role as child? Do my actions in public showcase my marriage and my role as a husband. Do my efforts at work prove trustworthy and faithful honoring my role as employee? Does my servitude show my leadership? Does my stewardship and counsel reflect a good dad? 

Philippians 2:5 states "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus".

I suppose this is the only way I could possibly live each out. Or want to.

Strategery

"Paralysis by analysis". In business we can spend days, even weeks, strategically visiting an opportunity. I personally have over-visited issues on many occasions. Now, don't get me wrong, strategic thinking is a good thing. But I am convinced that it can prove stalling if momentum and work are not ready and waiting with baited breath—knocking at the door—pounding. In business, but mostly in life.

I did a quick search in Biblegateway.com for the word strategy. It turned up once. Isaiah 8:10 states "Devise your strategy, but it will be thwarted; propose your plan, but it will not stand, for God is with us." Now the Bible is laden with wisdom, and work.

I am not sure Jesus strategized. Perhaps when He was a boy working alongside his dad in the carpenter shop, they planned out a project. Determining which would be the best size board, and which wood should be used for project X. Then they had to hit the nail with the hammer. Vocationally we should plan, think, and perhaps strategize—then hit the nail. Additionally, when it comes to life, sometimes we become so darn paralyzed by our own planning. I think Jesus was so rooted in God's strategy and His wisdom, that all He could do was act, or move, or go about the work of teaching, healing, loving.

I know the wrist band of the WWJD thing is a bit overused, but during the strategy/planning areas of our work and life, let's make sure we are thinking like Jesus and recognize where its time to know what we know, then act, move, work, teach, heal, love.

Open House

I have become a major Donald Miller fan. He's an author/blogger. He wrote a book entitled A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Could be the best book I've read. I actually have been rereading it via my ears. And have found that a listening to an audio book is altogether a different experience than the printed page. I can't reread a great sentence, but I can get lost in a book in a different way. Anyway, in Million Miles I was introduced, through Don, to a man by the name of Bob Goff, who's a pretty amazing and creative familyman. Bob has a unique way of creating memorable experiences through the act of hospitality. Inspired by this, last weekend I was determined to make something special out of what had the potential to be a run-of-the-mill Saturday.

Last weekend my wife was away with some college girlfriends and it was just me and the boys. I wanted to figure out some sort of Goffian experience for the day. Some imagination later, we decided we'd open a restaurant for the evening where we'd play host, chef and sous-chef to the neighborhood.

Figuring we wanted to keep this pretty simple (we are guys after all), we thought we could grill up some burgers and some dogs, fill a couple of bowls with chips, some bottled water in an icy cooler, and call it a menu.

We wrestled with names, but landed on Three Guys Burgers and Dogs (we are three guys after all). The invitation was designed. Neighborhood mailboxes were stuffed Ground beef was spiced Patties were formed The garage was transformed into a makeshift front-of-house Music was cued. And we waited.

It's hard to wait for a couple of hours when you're excited.

My oldest invited a couple of friends from his bus route. My youngest—a key player amongst the neighborhood kids (and by player, I mean the kid really likes to play)—was on and about ensuring the best attendance from the community.

Now it was an interesting experience for my oldest. He really enjoys cooking and playing host. But on the cusp of being a teenager, this sort of event sits on the border of "embarrassing" and pretty darn cool. To ensure we staved off the "embarrassment", when his friends arrived, I immediately put them to work—pulling them into the event. One was on chip duty. The other bun duty.

In total we had about 15-20 people show up over the course of the evening. And, it turns out it was pretty cool. There was laughter from the kids. Some great conversation amongst the adults who dropped by. A good bit of eating. And a memorable day.

Outside of the enjoyment of watching and participating in others' enjoyment (which was very evident) was the final moments of the day when I was asking my "guys" if they had fun. They both said, yeah, let's do that again.

I plan to.

Hopefully there will be no cease and desist letter coming from the folks at Five Guys....

Where've I Been?

I guess you can say I've been busy. But busy isn't it. I mean, I have been busy, my mind and body that is. But my spirit has not—at least not as it ought. Not in the Word. Not in a great book. Not in prayer. At least, not much. A lot has gone on—some very good, positive stuff. But the good, dialed-in, state of affairs has been on vacation a bit.

I guess we all (I know I have before) go through these seasons. Times where we are preoccupied with work and other things. But I've always discovered that the more dialed-in I am, the better things go along. Or better yet, the more consistent. I've been existing a lot on my own strength. It's been going fine. But I know and feel the difference.

I've shared before about a piece Chuck Swindoll wrote on Attitude, wherein he writes, "I am convinced that life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it." I have found that the 90% has had to be more forced, more deliberately called upon. When I am "dialed-in", it shows up more naturally. Sometimes like breathing.

Gotta get my breath back.

Simply Put

God's call—then our response. Sometimes sizable. Sometimes moment-by-moment.

Could it be that simple?

Do we hear the Gospel, then just choose to believe it or not? Do we see a need, then just choose to act or stand still? Do we see an opportunity, then just choose to invest or pull back?

"The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep." - John 21:17

Only three times, Peter?

I am glad God has been so very patient with me. Definitely more patient than I'd have been.

Enter In

The other night I watched Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" with my first born. He's 12. I am not a fan of sitting through an R-rated film with him, but obviously this one is not a Will Ferrel fraternity romp. For those of you who've seen Gibon's flick it is pretty intense. Pretty brutal. I wanted to share the story of Christ in a different way with my boy. We've spoken about it. He's heard some at church. He even adds the marshmallow Peeps to resurrection Sunday. I think he sort of understands the Jesus crucified for our sins thing—to the degree he could.*

We sat on the couch and watched the movie. There were moments of eyes closing, volume turning down, and other methods of trying to cover up what was going on on screen—but we couldn't.

There were times over the course of the movie where I would give my perspective on what was going on, to try to tie some of it in to what we've learned, Bible stories, etc. One of the most impactive things was when they would pull away from the brutality of the cross and bring you into the upper room as Jesus is sharing his bread and body, and wine and blood. There is a unique storytelling that goes on from the blood of Calvary to the grace of the Supper.

One of the things which stuck out most to my son was when the bruised, bloodied, nailed, Christ asks his Father to "forgive them". My son could not believe this. Well, I think he believed it, but couldn't fathom it. It placed the people who'd abused Christ to the point of death as those who were forgiven—which I believe they were.

And I am in the same "them" which Jesus was grieving for.

Then the curtain tore in two.

Forgiveness. There is such power in it—Through Christ to us, the power to enter in.

Forgiveness. There is such power in it—From ourselves to others, a power to enter in in a different sense.

A Power to enter in to relationship. Enter in to relief. Enter in to conversation. Enter in to building. Enter in to healing. Enter in to change. Enter in to becoming something different.

Can we truly forgive "them" (whoever them is?) if they don't know what they do?  Or even if they did?

And through our forgiveness, offer the activity of entering in?



*I believe that none of us fully get the crucified for our sins thing—at least not here on earth. I know I fall way short of full understanding, but I try my best to "get it".

Fail Safe

Today's culture is so entrenched in finger pointing and blame. Its even come to the point of joy in others' calamities. We have "fashion police" who point at, tease, and mock those who may have worn something odd or simply out of style. We have pundits chomping at the bit to report upon political misfortune. And more and more we are seeing the joy in others accidents or major "Fails". Viral video, Tosh.0, and the like saturate our market with face plants, crotch kicks, and a platform to glorify and laugh at the perceived stupidity of others. I'll admit, I find it funny in a painful way to see someone wipeout on their sled into a small pine tree. But we've almost become numb to misfortune. Unaccepting in a holier-than-thou mockery of people.

With culture skewed this way, our attitude toward failure is skewed—our attitude toward failure is wrong. We have to have the freedom to fail. In relationship, marriage, business, parenting, and with ourselves.

Failure means something was tried.

Failure can be a result of inappropriate decision-making, selfish behavior, and overall poor effort. Additionally, it can be a result of trying something, good intention, and an effort to improve.

Failure begets change.

The change begotten may simply be an obvious decision to not try and skateboard down that flight of stairs again. Outside of urban parkour, in a more common arena, the change is accomplished using attitude, forgiveness, support, initiative, etc.

• Has the spouse forgiven the other and do they decide to seek support and rebuild a marriage
• Has the entrepreneur decided to reevaluate a business process and reconstruct some methodologies
• Has the child made the efforts to put in the extra time to elevate their game to win next time
• Has the dad changed his behaviors to leave a better example for his children
• Has the employee realized that in order to achieve the promotion next year they may have to spend more time building a business instead of their resume
• Has the leader realized a need to serve instead of speak from a soap box

And those observing, supporting, and directly effected by the failure of others play a key role and must visit their attitudes and activities as well.

Nothing meaningful is fail-safe. And it must be safe for ourselves and others to fail.

No Know

I think its best when we recognize that we don't know it all. Or even better. When we realize that we don't even come close. When we realize that we only know some things. And that those things are subject to change.

Certainly we can have held truths. But when we recognize that we have whole lot to learn, life can begin again and again. And that's cool. I think if I knew too much, things could be pretty boring. And I'd have less reason to lean on a Savior.

Result or Reason

Yesterday I heard the phrase "Reputation Management". I have recently considered reputation a good bit.  I am reading a book which has brought up the importance of having a "good reputation" on more than one occasion. And that a Christian should be a person with a "good reputation". I am not sure if that is altogether true. As Christians we are called to be like Jesus. To love. To serve. To honor. To humble ourselves. To move. These are activities. Reputation is not an activity. Activities produce results. Our reputation shouldn't be a reason to do anything. Our reputation—whatever it may be—is a result of our activities. When we place our reputation as the driver, our focus is off and we can miss things along the way as we set to achieve our goal. Our reputation is what people think. Webster online defines Reputation as " a : overall quality or character as seen or judged by people in general b : recognition by other people of some characteristic or ability".

In 1Timothy as Paul (I think) outlines considerations for church leadership, he speaks that one must have a "good reputation with outsiders". I believe Paul, a radical, a prisoner, a former killer, and a self described "chief of sinners", most likely was talking about the results of actions. As his reputation (a good one I might add) was engrossed in activity.


If someone has a reputation for being an a-hole, he is probably quite selfish. If someone has a reputation for being very clever, he is probably smart-witted. The activities of these folks most likely have created their reputation. I doubt an a-hole would set out to be an a-hole, or a clever person would set out and say "I am going to be clever".

Why do we do things? Do I deliver? Or do I want to be thought of as a guy who delivers? Am I kind? Or do I want to be thought of as kind?


If we set out to be a "good Christian", I think we'll miss the mark. Consider our activities, and for what reason do we do things. Am I doing this to serve others? To honor God? To be selfless as Christ was selfless? Or am I looking to have an unblemished reputation? 

Lip Service

A while back I wrote about my experience with a guy at Quick Trip (The Art of Art). Let's call him Ted. Ted was an engaging young man who, in the spirit of pleasant communication and well, a quick trip, shared the art of customer service. This morning, it was a bit different. The young man behind the counter (let's call him John) certainly said some things that would be constituted as customer service, or engagement, but it did not ring of authenticity. Again, John's words, were near the same as Ted's, but they were not felt. At least not by me.

When solely lip service is paid (or appears to be), and someone seems to be simply going through the motions, is this worse than no communication at all? Perhaps this sort of communication is the best one can do in accordance with their job, their standards, or their environment.

While words do mean things, the spirit behind them means more. It validates. Or points a finger towards what is behind the words—their inspiration.

What is behind our words:

• Ourselves?
• Others' interests?
• Our perceived best interest for others? 
• Selfishness?
• Career advancement?
• Our wisdom?
• Love?

Relationship plays out in the words we use, I guess. It may simply be a transactional relationship like John's which wouldn't necessarily cause me to come back. Or it can be an authentic engagement which can have a positive experiential impact—creating a desire for more.

Maybe this is a little heavy when all I was doing was getting a Red Bull...

Idle Worship

In the not too distant past, I removed the Facebook application from my smart phone. Nothing against Facebook, its just that I was spending way too much time checking in on things. I soon found that I actually was able to occupy thoughts in my down time in a different capacity. I found time for contemplation, conversation, etc. Well recently, I'd taken up an online word-play game which while very fun and creative, soon for me became overly competitive and a bit addicting. It started filling what little white space in my life there was—encompassing a good bit of my thought first thing in the morning and continuing throughout the day.

I had to throw in the towel. I've found that when I fill any hint of white space in my life up with busyness or just plain stuff, I lose opportunities to live a life of worship. I used to think that worship is mostly the music, closed eyes, and hand-raising thing. As I've grown, I realize that worship truly shows itself in how I live. I can't have this type of worship sit idly by while I numb myself with whatever the white-space-sucker-of-the-day is for me.

A couple weeks ago, a friend who'd just spent a good bit of time with a Brazilian missionary spoke as to how, upon seeing all this missionary was doing, he realized he was living in a Movie About Me. Man, that is so true! I live in Movie About Me a lot. I don't need that starring role. I need to push more and more for the best supporting actor performance in Movies About Others. And I need to use time to do this. Not waste my time.

"We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies." 2 Thessalonians 3:11

Peak Performance

I was in conversation with a dear friend last week—discussing parenting and faith. We began talking about the energy that we must put forth into relationships. With God, children, spouses, friends, and colleagues. And it does take energy (as those with kids can surely attest).

I think that sometimes my faith in God can turn lazy. I can have a relatively "hands off" approach to my faith walk. Not an "I don't care" hands off, but an "I do care, but I trust God more than I trust myself, so I'll just leave this one alone"*. This can become a Pontius Pilatesque-out of my hands washing, which is not appropriate when action or participation needs to take place. Conversely, some can become too meddlesome with their faith walk, and not leave enough room for chance experience, or for God's intentions to differ from theirs.

Now there is a fine line we need to walk in faith. Its takes energy. And core strength. And balance. The below illustration came to mind as I imagined the struggle to maintain the right path in faith.

When we balance across the "peak", we realize how quickly things can shift if we are not paying attention to where we are going or what we are doing. A little leaning can turn into quick careening.

God calls us to walk along the peak. Matthew 7:14 shares "But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."And in order to do this we have to recognize those things which will cause us to lean over to far and have our momentum carry us. As well as keep our antenna up to those things which will grab hold and pull.

For me, when I start to "lean lazy", I may not be participating at a level I need to as a Dad to my boys. Conversely, when I start to "lean controlling", I can have my own conclusions begin to differ from what God may have in mind in a given situation.

We have to perform at the peak—the narrow road.

May we stay energized through communication and community. Keep our core strong through prayer and time in the Word. And keep our lives open and available to be counterbalanced when needed.



*I do believe that an abandoned faith is a good thing, and that when we relinquish control to God we are in a good place, however, clearly God calls us to and for action, and not to simply stay put.

No Solo

Another tweet from Bob Goff that grabbed me: "God brings us together to be a symphony, not just soloists. Independently capable; collectively unbelievable."

Do we allow a concert of community into our lives?

• Do we go it alone?
• Do we embrace transparency?
• Do we seek out others' strengths?
• Do we find joy in our shortcomings?
• Do we keep our ears open?
• Do we make time for others?

And do we really ask ourselves, "What would Jesus do?" and mean it? And if we figure out the answer, do we act on it? And by we, I mean me.

On Earth

"Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."

A tall order. On EARTH as it is in heaven.

I frequently take a couple of different approaches to this concept of "thy will be done on earth". Either a "My will be done or earth", or a hands-off, "Hey, thy will be done on earth, Lord".

Clearly doing my will on earth is off target. But all to often the case. I will try to own a lot of things here on earth. Be it professionally, personally or even things surrounding my activity with God. We can try to craft things. Well intentioned, but not exactly Thy will being done. Sometimes we are too smart for our own good. Too planning. Too driving.

Conversely, the hands-off approach—while altogether a pretty good thing—can often times turn into passivity. Now there is a good bit to consider here. I don't believe God wants us to simply be inactive and more or less simply just let His will be done. And I don't believe God wants us to force His issues. But I do believe sometimes we can be, more or less, along for the ride.

We sometimes consider this life our "Christian walk" (when I hear this I think of Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks skit). And we can concentrate too much on specific guidelines or ways of living that will therefore equivocate with being a Christian. But a walk is an active thing. There is movement. And WE are the one's doing the walking. Doing the work. Not a stroll—but making strides.

I wonder. Am I setting my own course? Simply strolling along? Or actively engaged in movement?

Everymoment. Everyday.

Grace Space

Have you ever been at a social gathering and met anyone for the first time, and felt that guarded space between you and the person? How much do I share/not share. Us guys typically fall back onto the "what do you do" or weather conversation. I suppose there are some social etiquettes which have us keep this buffer. I am not a very good buffer keeper. I tend to want to dig right in, and sometimes will showcase some of my more personal goings on that may breach the social acceptance—perhaps sharing something about how my boys clogged the toilet bowl and held of reporting to Dad for a plunge for two days (TWO DAYS—needless to say it was pretty bad. I mean how could the continue to go about there business without making mention of this—but I digress). So maybe I am a social space cadet.

But what about the space of grace? The space that says its okay to be open. Its okay to share. Come into my space and life. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. 

What about the "churched", the "believer", the "christian", the "saved". Is our space littered with closed ears, impatience, piety, over-education, judgment, political or personal opinion?

Or do we provide "grace space". A space that is less a buffer and more a a sponge—where story, issue, problem, strength, need, gift, can be held between two (or many). And the sponge can be absorbed in honesty—and be wrung out in encouragement, supply, forgiveness, support, strength, shelter. A space that speaks— "When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged...", Acts 11:23.

Oftentimes I don't think the Church behaves this way—even with our own. We keep our private things private. We don't share. I know folks who live in two worlds. All the while grace provides the space to erase the need to keep our world's separate.

Full disclosure is risky. You've got to have trust, hope, faith, vulnerability. You've got to receive grace. And give it.

Too much risk management going on—and not enough unmanaged grace.

Thinking and Knowing

I have a friend who's dad was once in a conversation with a friend, lets call her Glenda. And Glenda was going on and on about "Well, I think such and such" and "I think that fill in the blank" and "I think we need to blah, blah, blah." To which my friends dad interjected "Glenda, what do you KNOW." "Tell us what you KNOW."

There's nothing wrong with thinking. I think a lot. I also know some. I wish I knew more. It is our heart in our thinking, and the source of our knowledge, which impacts the effectiveness and truth of our thoughts and knowledge.

When thinking, where is your heart? When knowing, what is your source?

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23

Something for all of us to think about...

Over Anal-ysis

I have had the pleasure (and I do truly mean that) of having my mother-in-law in for a visit for a bit. She is a sewer (read so-er, not sue-er). Every time she comes to visit, there is some sort of sewing project on the docket. Usually I will stash away a shirt in need of a button.

So,—or should I say sew—this evening she is hunkered deep into a project and makes the point that "Some day, when in heaven, do you think you'll say of me, "My don't you think she was anal about those drapes?"". To which I responded, "When we get to heaven, there probably is a lot we'll look back on and say that there really wasn't a need to be quite so anal."

When we are too exacting, do we lose out on mystery and excitement? Do we determine, or do we detriment our impact?

Overthought Leadership

There has been a growing trend on the topic and focus of "Thought Leadership". Many in the social, digital, business, and church communities are searching for, or becoming "Thought Leaders".

Someone recently shared (can't recall where I noted it from) that we need to "Be careful of making leadership more complicated than God intended. Listen to God, do what he says, in the way He wants it done.". Though life and leadership can be complicated, I believe sometimes there is a focus away from the simplicity of things like:

• Listening to one another
• Looking at history
• Meditating on relevant subject matter
• Utilizing each others gifts
• and Action

I am all for deep, progressive thinking, as well as analytical study. Nothing wrong with it. But sometimes—at least I know its true of me—we can overthink and potentially paralyze ourselves from action.  There can be overcaution, or the pursuit of perfection.

Additionally some give too much credence to those "Thought Leaders". We gotta be careful who we tag with that title. Some may not be as correctly leading as we think. The Ancient of Days can provide some pretty "leading thought". And there's a book about it.

Maybe I am just OVER "Thought Leadership"....

Public Awareness Campaign

Yesterday I was talking with a few guys about the subject of Reputation. Particularly looking at reputation as a goal or focus, and that of reputation as a result. The consensus was that when we look too closely at reputation as an end game we are not rightly focused. Our behavior determines our reputation.

So I got to thinking. What if we all made a top 10 list of what we believe people (friends, acquaintances, colleagues) think of us? What would it come out to be?

• Caring?
• Encouraging?
• Leading?
• Good Listening?
• Intuitive?
• Quiet?
• Etc.

And what if those people were required to make a list of what they truly thought of us?

• Giving?
• Nurturing?
• Fearless?
• Lying?
• Self-absorbed?
• Over indulgent?
• Etc.

What if we took a page out of the Scarlet Letter, and actually wore "our" list on the front of our shirts, and unbeknownst to us, the "people's" list was plastered across our backs? What chuckles would be heard from behind? Who would want to avoid us? Who would want to befriend us?

And what about God? What would His list look like? We are BEYOND fortunate that Jesus restored our relationship with God through His shed blood. Yet clearly the action of the cross does not erase the impact of our behavior choices, as Romans 6:2 states "How can we who died as far as sin is concerned go on living in it?". Therefore we need treat our behavior and choices seriously.

Our behavior speaks loudly. Perhaps more loudly that we even realize. Those of us who are parents have an incredible mirror towards our behavior in our children. But there are so many others affected by our behavioral choices. Moment by moment. Conversation by conversation. Email by email. Smile by smile.

Other Shoes

I stole some time on Sunday to listen to a podcast of an interview with Chuck Swindoll. I've been a fan for a while—mostly due to a piece he wrote on "Attitude" wherein he describes life as 10% of what happens to us, and 90% how we react to it. Therefore, our attitudes, play a key role in how we are affected by, and can impact life. Anyway, in this interview, he is asked "How do we stay authentic?". Sort of a funny question if you think about it, but I understand the interviewers question. Sometimes our authenticity can become unauthentic—more presumed upon or egocentric.

Swindoll answers, "Stay teachable.", "I am not caught up in what I am. I try to put myself in the shoes of the other person.".

I know I can get bogged down in what I'd like to say in given situations that I can lose focus on what should be shared, and can easily lose sight of the state of affairs of my audience. A while back I wrote Consider Consider discussing how we don't take time to stay teachable, or imagine another pair of shoes.

Frankly, we don't put ourselves in other's shoes... We are reactive, inconsiderate, vengeful, opinionated, and can so often just act the donkey. We must find pause to respond well—and through the appropriate vehicles. 1 Timothy 4:12 shares "...but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.". Let us do so. Let me do so.

Experience Learning

I figured I need to write something about this snow, ice and wintry experience in Southtown. It truly has been unique. Schools closed. Businesses closed. Streets shutdown. Families shut in.

Some highlights:

• Shoveling my driveway with a wire shelf
• Sledding down the icy roads
• The flushed faces of boys coming in from playing in the snow
• The smell of wet "snow gear" and therefore the din of the clothes dryer
• The hard drive on my laptop crashing
• My ensuing drive downtown "braving the elements"to get it fixed
• Slipping on the ice and wrenching my knee (diagnosis TBD)
• Picking up a couple of great, hot pizzas on the way home
• The heightened Facebook interaction with a good bit of down time
• Moms and kids figuring out "what to do"

When the hard drive went, I had the option of braving the icy roads of Atlanta and getting to my "Mac Guy's" house so he could take a peak. Or stay home and wonder if I would ever recover what I'd potentially lost (Yes, potentially, the Guy's a genius and was able to come to my data rescue). I decided to take the drive. On my way to the car, I slipped on the ice and twisted my knee. I felt like a complete dork. I felt old. I literally asked God "Okay, is this a sign of you wanting me to stay here and not risk the road? Or is it another thing that just sort of "happens"?"

I have a good friend who says (mostly about his kids) that we need to make sure we use things as a "learning experience". This holds true in SO much of what occurs. All too often, I don't think that way. Or, I refuse to learn anything from it, and therefore, don't change anything about it. I believe God continues to bring us‚ again and again, to certain places (literally and figuratively) in life. And won't stop bringing us there until He's accomplished, or we've learned, His intention. We just have to ask the question of Him when we find ourselves in certain places and situations. That and make time to hear His answer.

So what was I to learn from the whole knee thing? I dunno. Perhaps that I need to be more careful when walking on icy roads. Perhaps to remember that God is with me. Regardless of the the situation. Big or small. Or perhaps it was an opportunity for me to remember God.

Matthew 28:20 "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Unlike Cynicism

As I've written in the past, I have sort of a love/hate relationship with social media. Facebook and Twitter specifically. I use both. Some might say that's hypocritical, but it is a love/hate.

The love side leans towards my output and some of what I believe is great, inspired, insightful input or direction. The hate side (gosh, hate seems pretty dramatic)—lets just say "not like" side, or "wonder why they say that" side—plays out in the seemingly monotonous moment-to-moment, "I am here", "I am there", "I did this", "I did that" update. But, who am I to play judge and jury. Simply because I find its use one way, and others another, why can I be such a cynic. Its only Facebook, Rick.

The reality is I can all to often be such a cynic. WAY too often.  Freedefinition.com hit my nail right on the head with its definition: "An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others". Certainly there are beliefs formed within me, and general knowledge of my "friends" which can correctly provide perspective on some of this (posts) from which I form an opinion. But I know that I frequently have knee-jerk condemnation. 

Someone had driven me towards Isaiah 1:17 via a tweet. Conveniently enough, I hopped on my Bible app, scrolled on my touchpad to the verse and read it. (This is when I love the media and technology of it all*. Something sparked me, and within and instant, I am in.) As I scrolled further down to verse 18 it states "Come, let's consider your options," says the LORD. "Though your sins have stained you like the color red, you can become white like snow;"**. The concept of God coming alongside us and asking us to Consider Our Options is quite a thought.

We need to ensure we are considering our options and checking our attitude as stuff comes our way. Be it a status update, a child's request, a friend's comment, a neighbor's dog, a stranger's glance, a task ordered, etc.. 

Too often I am not. Too often I am the cynic. 

So if you are reading this blog, and have connected via Facebook or Twitter, please look beyond any hypocrisy you may feel, and understand that I am just a....well, a dude....trying to get better at being a husband, a dad, a friend, a counselor, a storyteller, a Child of God.



*Clearly there can be negatives to this sort of instant information, gratification, and reaction.

**Now, within Isaiah, this is not a kinder gentler God coming alongside someone. Moreover a life and death-weighing, mighty fear-inducing God. But for my purposes above, I have toned this down to something more attainable for the subject matter. Yet still retaining relevance as it was the source of inspiration.

Ego Away

Proverbial New Year's resolutions come in the forms of weight loss, organization, fitness, etc.. I am not a big fan of resolutions as I often have trouble keeping any of them. I've even gone as far as setting an alternative "start date" to see if that'll help. But, I seem to always fall short. Or too long. Or whatever the alternative to my resolution may be. Nevertheless, I am giving it another whack. One I believe is attainable. Not on my own doing. But with the Grace of God. I want to become less. Not weigh less—although that would be great—but become egoless, selfless, othersmore, others-serving, unconditionally others-loving.

According to Merriam Webster, "ego" is defined as : the self especially as contrasted with another self or the world.

Ego as a default will rear its ugly head in the form of pride, self-indulgence, sarcasm, cynicism, etc.. However it all to often shows its uglier side with piety, sack cloth, closed ears, non-grace and holier than thouness. 

Matthew 6:16-18 states "When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

My intention (though my intentions sometimes go the way of my resolutions) is to examine some of these "self" words mentioned above. This I believe will be a good exercise for me—as lessening my Ego/Self is always a major struggle.

My prayer for this year is Less of me. More of Thee. As I state in my blog bio "May any words in here about me, never be about "me"." I hope this holds true. Let me know if you see otherwise.